Chardonnay’s Good-ish Thursday Trail – R*n 1407
28 March 2024 from shag pad at Alroy Court, Rosetta
Hare: Pole Dancer
Co-Hare: Tarzan’s Grope
Run Reporter: In The Raw

There is always some trepidation when Poley sets a run from his shag pad. Hills abound. You can go down and do the river flats or you can go up. Usually, he makes you go up because he is a shithead. This run was no different.  Precisely at the new run start time of 6.32 pm the Hare issued instructions.  As usual, he tried to bask in the limelight and deflect any criticism. The enjoyable bits of the run were set by him, the crap bits by Tarzan’s Grope and yes, there would be a p!ss stop.

So we set off.  We went up and up and f*cking up.    F*ck we climbed up.  The general consensus was that Poley was vying for the ‘Arsehole of the Year Award’, currently held by Dyke after last year’s Valern and West Moonah debacle.

Talking of the club’s chief arsehole, Dyke, a reliable informant has told me that his absence over the last couple weeks has been due to the old boy suffering from ‘Irritable Hip Syndrome’. This should not be a surprise to anyone. Coupled with his ‘Irritable Personality Syndrome’, ‘Irritable Wallet Syndrome’ (when it’s his turn to shout) or ‘I’m Irritable Because I Didn’t Make a Motza out of Hash Cash Syndrome’, is anyone surprised that Dyke is, basically, an irritable bastard and an arsehole?

Anyway, back to the trail. We kept going up. A set of steps between Michele and Gentile Court nearly killed me.  Even Ted, the Siberian hamster (‘Big Dog Syndrome’), could only manage a half millilitre of urine to mark his passage instead of his usual 2 millilitres.

Herr Flick (‘Blind as a Bat Syndrome’) obviously knew what was in store. He decided to vehicular hash to the Polish Club, have a few beers, ogle the young barmaids’ bosom and join up.  Really, Flicky, joining the Polish Club, what would Himmler say?!?

Ah, yes, back to the trail. I paused at Gentile Court to ‘admire the view’ and saw a horrifying site.  Downhill, at the bottom of the steps, something resembling a scene from a post-apocalyptic zombie film presented itself. The NDIS pack had arrived.   Shuffling, wheezing, drooling, they edged towards the base of the steps, but something was stopping them.  Perhaps it was ‘I Can’t be Arsed Going Uphill Syndrome’ or ‘I’m too Old, Irritible and Can’t be Bothered Anymore Syndrome’, but every time one set their shaking and leaden foot onto the bottom step, they turned away.  

It was like a force field was veering this shambling pack away.  Eventually, after shedding their incontinence pads, this sad example of once were humanity, staggered away downhill never to be seen again until – you guessed it – the p!ss stop. They were led by some sh!thead in a pink rabbit suit who is reputedly their leader.

After Gentile Court, life got easier.  The trail was either level or downhill. Pre-Apocalyptic entertainment was provided by some f*ckwit riding a mini bike down Marys Hope Road with a young child on his lap – sans helmet and commonsense – while overtaking traffic on bends.  Word has it that he was on his way to a gangbang after some of his mates had captured a sh!thead who was dressed in a pink rabbit suit.

The rest of the trail was pretty well non-descript. A few checks and FTs took us down to Main Road and then back towards the shag pad.  Enroute a splendid vision passed by. Something that emboldened and strengthened the resolve of the pack. Our Glorious Leader, Soft Cock (‘Megalomaniac Dictator Syndrome’), emulating his hero, Kim Jung Un, drove by in his armoured Landcruiser. He offered encouragement to his minions warning that failure to reach the p!ss stop would result in a period in a re-education camp.

After a few adventures and misdirections, all of which were Hands On’s fault (‘Most Hated Woman in Hash Syndrome’), we arrived at the piss stop in Alroy Park.  What a change of scenery.  The NDIS zombies, previously enfeebled and befuddled, were imbibing alcohol with vigour.  Listening to their tales of conquest, one would have thought they had just conquered Everest, sans incontinence pads.

Flicky, back from conquering the Polish Club, was rummaging in the eskies looking for a decent beer.   When he opined to Hands On that the beer on offer was shite, he was informed to “take what you are given”, as the club was on the verge of bankruptcy.

Now this is a red rag to a bull.  With the Hash Hops adopting this attitude, bubbly – the likes of Yellow or Eagle Hawk, at an impressive price of $3.50 – should now be the drink of choice by the Harrierettes!

I offer a challenge to all Harriers.  After Nancy Boy’s (‘Talk Shit Syndrome’) appalling treatment by the bubbly brigade Harrierettes a few weeks ago, let’s drink all the bubbly before they, the bubbly brigade, get to the p!ss stop (after all most are in the NDIS) and then tell them, ‘Take what you are given, ha ha’. I can’t wait!!!

At the juncture, a sh!thead in a pink rabbit suit arrived late at the piss stop, walking bow-legged and looking disheveled. It was none other than C*nt Stop (‘Take it up the Bum and Enjoy it Syndrome’). Apparently, he had been kidnapped by a gang of bogans on minibikes and been given a right royal rogering by the lot.  He was not overly upset and said that he had, in fact, quite enjoyed the experience.

After that, it was back to the shag pad, curry for supper and then a cameo from our oft absent upper lip, Smallgoods (‘Looking Good in tight Red Leather Syndrome’).

On On In The Raw

DOWN DOWNS

• The Hare –Pole Dancer, despite complaints of too many hills. 
• Herr Flick, for not doing the run at all!  Swanned off to the Polish Club for a beer on the pretense of organizing his upcumming trail. Got back in time for more beer at the p!ss stop. 
• Clearfell and Fringe Benefits: Were caught in a compromising position (see pics).. not sure what they were up to … Clearfell apparently spilt his load. Fringe Benefits complained that Softy came from the wrong end!! 
• Can’t Stop. Just because!  Pink Bunny suit … suitable for gay mardi gras….worrying the mothers of the local children .. and providing entertainment or the local yobs! 
• Zero. Needs to get his hearing checked. Supposed to be going for an ultrasound of his shoulder. “Get undressed and leave bit to be examined exposed” said the tech.…Returned to find Zero bent over with his scrotum hanging out! 
• Softy. Turned down a lift. Arrived late then drove around looking for trail, and the p!ss stop, while trading on Marketplace. 
• Grizzly. Significant milestone. He has Chardonnay hashed  750 times! 

• Wrectum: Was apparently instructing Fringe Benefits in how to follow trail! But Instead of the walkers’ trail he was doing the runners’ trail backwards! Not realizing that at the time, the runners didn’t check in the direction that Wrectum had come. Consequently none of them completed the whole trail….but Wrectum was full of instructions as to how they should get back to Poley’s.. But none of them involved following trail!  
• Grizzly. Returned from Interhash with cracked ribs and ‘stuffed’ legs after a ‘social’ game of rugby! 
• Prikit. For alcohol abuse! 
• Cuntry Members and Visitors: Woodpecker, Shagadelic, Grizzly, Vaseline, Fringe Benefits & Sonar.
• Cumonion. Premature celebration of her 400th.

From the floor:                    

• ITR -> Hands On. For complaining that the club is nearly broke so the blokes should not be complaining about the quality of the beer.  ITR retorted that perhaps the quality of the sparling wine provided for the sheilas and the Nancy Boys should also be reduced. 
  Money could also be saved if Hashers remembered that it’s a PISS STOP NOT A PARTY STOP! ONE DRINK and P!SS OFF YOU BARSTEWARDS! 
• Pole Dancer -> Tarzans Grope and Vaseline for all their efforts assisting with the trail and preparing the delicious curries. (Curries were delicious! Thank you!) 
• Pole Dancer for above announcement.  Is he trying to get his leg over? 
• Nancy Boy -> Fringe Benefits for her Hitler-style rabbit hat!

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UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 28-30 March 2025 – Aussie Nash Hash 2025 @ Fremantle, WA
• 8-10 May 2026 – Interhash @ Prambanan Mendut, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

All the photos from Run 1407

MISMANAGEMENT 2024

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.

GRAND MASTER	Softy	thommotas@gmail.com
JOINT MASTER	Arsecutter
	Luv Shack
ON SEC	Wee Bev	weebev@netspace.net.au
HASH CASH	Maximus
	Snack Bar
HASH HOPS	Brazilian
	Hands On
TRAILMASTER	Cumonion	amctye@bigpond.net.au
HASH LIPS	Slippery Nipple
	Smallgoods
HASH FLASH	Prickit
HASH HORN	Jack Shit
RELIGIOUS ADVISOR	Gingernuts