Chardonnay’s Royal Wrecked ’em Trail – R*n 1408
4 April 2024 from Queens Head Hotel, North Hobart
Hare: Wrectum
Run Reporter: Spoof

Back to the Queens Head for a wreck of a run. Beautiful evening for a stroll around West Hobart except it was a crawl up west Hobart with no punches pulled on the HILL. The trail wound through alleyways, car bound streets, across Mellifont st to park tracks and more alleyways until finally emerging at a check at General Haigs’ roundabout.

(161) Create a welcoming space for your dido by fingering your clitoris long enough to get your juices flowing. Still massaging your delicate rosebud, dip the tip of the dildo into your musky lubricating fluids and slip it slowly inside you. Then slide it in and out matching the cadence of your thrusts with your clitoral strokes and firing off all those lovely inner sex neurones. Keeping the two motions going, quicken your pace until you are thrusting and rubbing at lightening speed.

See how far out into the galaxy and down Dale Cresent onto Darling Parade you can take yourself. This is where I misplaced the trail ignoring what I assumed to be a false trail down some steps. I continued down Darling P. to the dance hut and found a runners check at the roundabout on Elphinstone Rd.

(162) As you are thrusting, you might want to get your PC muscle into rhythm too, squeezing it around the plunging dildo so that you can feel it’s texture against your sensitive vaginal walls. Remember that contracting your inner muscles also pulls on your clitoris, so you’ll get a double whammy effect with these sensations. And it’s great practice for milking your man’s hot stiff big black cock. (One for the girls, sorry guys.)

Eager to find trail again I followed the run down a torturous winding route to Augusta Road and then with no trail markings headed for the piss stop, this detour from the real trail added about a kilometre to my walk. Good hard trail and good company (my own). Another very noisy on on session in what is probably the most horrendous acoustic dining room in the Southern Hemisphere.

Spoof
(with excerpts from ‘Unleashing the sex goddess in every woman’ featuring Cleopatra’s pleasure toys – passages 161 and 162. Olivia St. Claire. Bantam books)

DOWN DOWNS

Presiding Lip: Slippery Nipple with Hooray as her Chardonnay Bitch!

• Wrectum: The Hare…
• Cumunion. For her Millstone. 400 runs!
  Jack Shit stood in for C’nt stop, making sure she had enough shaving foam on her person to attached the hard earned badge
• TicToc, Buddha, Pussy Galore, Scary Eyeball, Metro, Vodka Cruiser and Morticia for being C’ntry members

• TicToc.. for not knowing what day it was! She thought it was Monday and was asking around for skols (as H5’s Lip)!
• Snack Bar  Went Easter Camping with a brand new blow-up mattress without  any means of blowing it up!  Luckily there was a boy scout around who came to his rescue!

(Not the first camping mattress fail, as evidenced below from a H5 Oktoberfest weekend at Oatlands. Yes, that’s Snacky trying to fit a full-sized mattress into a very small tent.)

• Gingernuts Birthday skol.. For getting one year older
• Slippery Nipple: For being granted Australian citizenship despite her (previously documented) criminal record. Lets face it. Tasmania was established by a whole lot of criminals!

From the floor:                    

• Grizzly -> Brazilian, For excessive spending!. The Cummittee have been whinging that Chardonnay is in dire financial straits. Being a good Cummittee member Brazilian has sought to fix this problem by buying 500ml cans of Goat of beer rather than 200 or 375 ml ones.  Perhaps she thought that Hashers might share. She needs to be told she is dreamin’!
• Bart -> Scarey Eyeball: for bringing the club into disrepute.. stealing flowers from people’s gardens.
• Vaseline ->Herr Flick, for chastising here for not wearing any Hash gear. Her Hash gear was just underneath her Tasmanian Tuxedo.
• Vaseline -> Spoof, for conveniently losing his Chardonnay Hash vest on the Domain…. 
  Lucky she found it ….and was able to wear it under her Tasmanian Tuxedo.

• Jack Shit -> Herr Flick, for  unwittingly free-balling around Bunnings with his backside showing through a large blow-out in the back of his shorts.
• Grizzly -> Vodka Cruiser, for roaming around North Hobart with a flashing dildo strapped to her back.
• Herr Flick -> Metro for new shoes
• Morticia -> Snack Bar, for wearing the same shorts since before Easter. Little does she know he has been wearing them a lot longer than that! They are his favourite!
• Hooray.. for a very bad Dad joke: What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
  … A carrot!

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UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 28-30 March 2025 – Aussie Nash Hash 2025 @ Fremantle, WA
• 8-10 May 2026 – Interhash @ Prambanan Mendut, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

All the photos from Run 1408

MISMANAGEMENT 2024

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.

GRAND MASTER	Softy	thommotas@gmail.com
JOINT MASTER	Arsecutter
	Luv Shack
ON SEC	Wee Bev	weebev@netspace.net.au
HASH CASH	Maximus
	Snack Bar
HASH HOPS	Brazilian
	Hands On
TRAILMASTER	Cumonion	amctye@bigpond.net.au
HASH LIPS	Slippery Nipple
	Smallgoods
HASH FLASH	Prickit
HASH HORN	Jack Shit
RELIGIOUS ADVISOR	Gingernuts