Chardonnay’s Salty Onion Breakfast Bowl – R*n 1408
11 April 2024 from Buckingham Bowls Club, New Town
Hare: Cumonion and Cereal Box (with technical assistance from Snack Bar)
Run Reporter: Softy

I started this run report last week as I thought it was my turn after reading the Trash and saw my name on top of the list. I had failed to read the email correctly and it was Spoof’s turn (I will get to that later) but this is what I had started with:

The cries of “what time does this 6:31 run start” were quite faint from where I was at the Hockey Centre. It’s that time of the year where I could well do with Herr Flick’s caravan and park it at the hockey grounds, as I almost live there with both boys playing and training most nights of the week. However, tonight I was there watching the debut of a friend’s daughter playing in the Women’s Premier League match. Much like the current feel of the club after the Lip session has finished, I was questioning myself why I was still there at the half time break with the score being 7-0. The end score was a 13-0 hiding, for which said friend’s daughter was on the wrong end of the scoreline. As a club there is a real shift in what happened in the ‘good old days’ where people would drink late into the night and arrive to work the next day feeling ‘tired and emotional’ from the night before, to where we are now. I did this a few weeks ago at Taroona Bowls Club. The next day I remembered why I do not want to stay too late. We are all getting older and slowing down and with me turning 50 next week I there are very few who are under 50. Chatting to a wise old man last night I was trying to workout where the enjoyment of Hash is for our group? Is it the run/walk/NDIS trail and waking up sore the next day? Is it at the P!ss Stop where we don’t do the ‘one drink and f*ck off’ rule with a chance to socialize? Is it the quality food we are served in the pubs or when someone (like this week) goes to the trouble to Tucker F*cker themselves? Or is it the high-quality Lip sessions that are presented every week? So many questions with not many answers.  Food for thought as all you retired bastards have so much time available to catch up every day, with breakaway groups such as retiree Coffee Hash, retiree Bike Hash, retiree Bush Walking Hash, retiree Read the Paper Together Hash and finally, Retiree Sleep-in Hash. (Yes, I am jealous of you lot who use Thursday as a way to remember what day of the week it is).

Anyway, the run. Quickly looking at the ever-reliable Strava segments and who had run, I noted that Maxi was well off trail in Adelaide. Snack Bar was inspired to do a C#nt Stop and set a marathon over 11k for the runners’ trail, taking in a large loop around most of New Town and going past the hockey centre (which would’ve helped me last week to get some trail done). Pole Dancer was the only runner to compete the trail however, he did hash one metre, the slack bastard. Prickit recognized very quickly a C#nt Stop-inspired ball breaker and tapped out after 7k, and Hands On and Brazilian ran even less to get to the P!ss Stop quicker to check if the Hash Hops’ car had arrived safely after Nancy Boy mounted the curb up the 100 metres of road he had to navigate to set the P!ss Stop up. Cumonion handed me some clues and notes on the walkers’ trail, which required some thinking from the pack. (I left them at home and currently writing this during work hours as I can’t be bothered to write this at home.) All I know is that clues were given, no-one was lost, and another Hash run/walk/NDIS/short-cutters trail was complete and etched into the annals of our rich history as a fun club.

I was like two other Hashers, where I went to the wrong bowls club and can confirm it was locked up and the lights were out, and as I drove to the right one, I bumped into the P!ss Stop. Many non-thinkers were already there socializing around the P!ss Stop. Poor Spoofo, celebrating his 800^th run/walk/attendance to Hash was chastised by one highly-offended Hasher who could not believe the raunchy/saucy run report from last week. I suggested that she take it to the Ladies Lounge at Mona and use it as wallpaper for all the Ladies of Hobart to read and enjoy in the privacy of their exclusive room.

If you’ve made it this far, you have done well. I better get to work (finish at 5 on the books, but ‘work’ from home at 3). See you all on the other side (of 50 – oh I am so young…)

On On, GM The Soft One

DOWN DOWNS

Two Lips! Amazing!

• Hares: Cumonion, Cereal Box and Snack Bar 
• Cuntry Members: Luv Shack, Smallgoods and Pee Wee
• Milestone: Spoof 800 runs
• Pee Wee: had a patch on side of his head to stop brain leak
• Jack Shit: falling over on run as a means of getting attention 
• Luv Shack: went to Salvos to hand over a lamp found outside her work then spotted a designer dress for $150. Heckled to get price reduced to $75, went away to think about it came back and heckled more to get priced reduced to $35. Bought said dress, but then went out and bought new shoes for $500 so now Smallgoods can’t buy his beer for the week!
• Cumonion: Tight Spot and Scary went to the wrong bowls club, but Cumonion was telling the Lip that it was Slippery Nipple who’d gone to wrong club. Worse, the Lip in question was Slippery Nipple!
• Grizzly: went bushwalking on the weekend and yesterday Parks and Wildlife officer turned up at his house accusing him of removing wildlife from the bush. Grizzly had brought home four luscious leeches in his belongings.

• Buddha: after all his back surgery can now no longer walk Maisy up the hill so walks her on the flat bush track. As it’s not a busy track he doesn’t pick up Maisy’s pooh.
• Wrectum: walking around back streets of New Town bumping into poles and side of a car as he was watching Home and Away on his phone.
• Herr Flick: trying to organise food for his run next week at Polish Club, approached food van to discuss options but ended up abusing the bloke for not selling beer.
• Virgin Louise, she is a psychologist. Should be able to get a good name out of that!

From the floor:

• Jack Shit from Chris Miss: Jack’s photo has been removed from his mother’s house, replaced by photo of Peter, Josh and Nick Daicos
• Can’t Stop from Buddha: can he share the name of his hairdresser so no one goes there. Worst head job ever. Luv Shack says she will give him a free head job next week.
• Scary Eyeball from Hooray: has been telling everyone she’s been attending AA and is off the cider, but now has the biggest glass of cider in her hand.
• Brazilian from Grizzly: as head tour guide with laminated maps and GPS coordinates on phone gets the group to the first track split and goes the wrong way, adding 1 hour and an extra 3 km to the walk!
• Soft Cock from Chris Miss: happy birthday f*ck you; 50 years young.

NEXT RUN

Run 1410 – 18 April 2024
HARE APPARENT: Herr Flick
STARTING FROM: Polish Club Hobart, 20 New Town Road, New Town
RUN REPORTER: Lone Arranger
$20 run fee ($7.50 run only) – food provided, buy your owndrinks at the venue.

RECEDING HARELINE

UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 7-9 June 2024 | Chardonnay Highland Fling @ Gowrie Park
• 24 June 2024 | Combined Clubs Charity Run in support of Gynaecological Cancer Research
• 28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
• 8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1409

MISMANAGEMENT 2024

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.