Chardonnay’s Extra Cream on my Birthday Cake Trail – R*n 1413
9 May 2024 from Kingston Beach RSL
Hares: Clearfell and Spoof
Run Reporter: Growler

Ah, brace yourself for an utterly scathing retelling of the Hash run No. 1413 from the Kingston RSL last Thursday night. Have I got your attention yet?

So, picture this: a group of Hashers led by the legendary Hash Religious Advisor Nancy Boy, known for summoning rain with a mere appearance. But fear not, for he has now retired from his celestial duties, only to show up again alongside the enigmatic Platypussy at the Kingston RSL. And, lo and behold, the skies opened up like a broken faucet, ensuring a baptism by rain for all Hashers in attendance. Truly, a divine comedy and not divine intervention in the making!

As the pack bravely set off at 6:31PM sharp on a flour-marked trail devoid of any piss stops, the onlookers at the Kingston RSL couldn’t contain their astonishment. Who in their right mind would venture out on such a soggy escapade?

As they headed out of the RSL, crossing Beach road and turning right into the path leading them to the Kingsborough Tigers Football Club oval, the Pack made their way up the steep incline of Ewing Lane with the walkers only hearing the calls of On On like a fog horn in the mere distance.

With much difficulty, the FRBs managed to pick up trial as it ventured into Roslyn Avenue crossing the road up into Auburn Road, and then proceeded along towards Kingston town.

The trail led them through the treacherous terrains of Kingston hub precinct, with runners like Jack Sh!t, Pole Dancer, Wee Bev, Chris Miss, and C*nt Stop (in his own lunch box) vying for supremacy, while poor Snack Bar lamented looking like a drowned rodent in distress.

Amidst shortcuts, our intrepid Hashers navigated the streets, lanes and pathways of Kingston shopping centre, like lost sailors in a storm.

Some decided to do a bit of a shortcut at this part of the trail and made their way down the Channel highway to the Kingston Hotel, turning right and heading into Beach Road at full steam ahead to the safe haven of the Kingston RSL.

Some of the running pack like Brazillian and Hands On and some of the walking contingent led by the fearless FRB walker Grizzly opted for detours through the Kingston Parkground trudged along with names like Arsecutter and Herr Flick painting a vivid image of a ragtag band of explorers lost in suburbia.

Others braved the elements to trace the elusive trail from beginning to end, like In The Raw, Slippery, Zero, Arsecutter, Grassroots, Herr Flick, Morticia, Murray the Rat and Tarzan’s Grope.

And let’s not forget the NDIS group, consisting of  Cumonion, Uber, LA, Platypussy, Nancy Boy and Growler trotting merrily around Kingston beach, possibly pondering the mysteries of life, checking in and out the new million dollar toilet block and whether raincoats are considered Hash attire.

As the night culminated in a feast fit for Hash royalty – roast chicken, chips, and a birthday cake for Spoof and Clearfell (touché on aging gracefully, darlings) – the Hashers revelled in their damp conquest, proving that even in the face of torrential downpours, the spirit of Hashing prevails.

And thus concludes this epic tale of mud and mayhem. Until the next week’s Hash run beckons at the Talbot Hotel, may your flour trails be true and your footsteps be dry.

On On
Growler

DOWN DOWNS

Lip session by Slippery Nipple.

• Spoof and Clearfell: The Hares
• Murray the Rat a C*ntry member
• Growler: Was caught searching for Zero’s Wattle grub!
• Snack Bar: for demonstrating how not to park despite the assistance of a number of helpers.
• Prickit: Couldn’t get her boots off after getting home after the Posh Hash…. She was trying to undo the decorative zip rather than the functional one!!
• In The Raw: For being boisterous and waking up all the inmates at the old folks home while everyone else was being quiet and well behaved.
• Stunned Mullet: a Chardonnay virgin not wearing any hash gear!
• Spoof: For trying to undress Morticia
• Morticia: for wanting more!
• Murray the Rat: Touting for business with his fly open!
• Spoof: for winning the meat raffle again… Is it rigged?
• Snack Bar: for a very bad joke about a pony!

Skols from the floor

• Prickit -> Poley: a lost hat
• Grizzly-> Jack Sh!t & In The Raw: Jack Sh!t for losing the horn. Grizzly found it and secreted it down his shorts when he returned to the venue then gave it to ITR for safekeeping. ITR immediately wrapped his lips around it and gave it a blow! Yuk!
• Grizzly-> Spoof for borrowing and using a dribble dropper… but not using it correctly.. The arrows were pointing in random directions… rather than the direction of the trail!
• Slippery Nipple->Hooray: Couldn’t find his headtorch at the start of the run… on returning he found it right where he left it….in the middle of the table!
• ITR-> Herr Flick: For having 11 toes and 2 dicks!  I have not seen any evidence of that!
• Arsecutter provided info on the fling…. READ the FLYER you barstewards.. and pay by 26 May to save yourself $20!
• Chris Miss led us in the Chardonnay song!

NEXT RUN

Run 1414: 16 April 2024
HARE APPARENT: Gingernuts
STARTING FROM: Talbot Tavern, Cnr Roope St and, 131 New Town Rd, New Town
RUN REPORTER: Grassroots
$5 run fee – buy your own food and drinks at the venue.

RECEDING HARELINE

UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 7-9 June 2024 | Chardonnay Highland Fling @ Gowrie Park
• 24 June 2024 | Combined Clubs Charity Run in support of Gynaecological Cancer Research
• 28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
• 8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1413

MISMANAGEMENT 2024

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.