Chardonnay’s Maillot Jaune Trail – R*n 1426
18 July 2024 from The Civic Club
Hare: Jacques le Merde
Run Reporter: Deux Coqs

Chardonnay’s famous Tour de Piss was on again for 2024 and Jack Shit had put his hand up to set the trail, man the piss stops and cook all the food for the Lycra-clad Chardonnay team riders that had made the effort to ready themselves at Jug’s very Civic Club.

A 6:31 start saw the sprinters; hill climbing specialists and the tricycle riding teams start off with great speed as a bunched up grupetto into the fresh night air. An aggressive start by the green jersey hopefuls saw Maximus & Red Dress taking an early lead over the NDIS riding team of Hands On, Prickit & C#nt Stop. But the 1^st attack came from Pole Dancer looking to claim the yellow jersey for the sprint leg through the city to the 1^st piss stop at the old University building above the rose gardens.

Chris Miss was on station providing plenty of freshly brewed glühwein rehydration fluids in readiness for the second downhill stage back into the city and wharf areas. With a peloton forming from the walkers teams there was a sudden breakaway sprint by Dyke & Grizzly to get the jump on the gay riders team led by In the Raw who was, as usual cumming in quickly from behind.

Unfortunately, there had been a tactical error by some of the other sprinters to team up and form an echelon to split from the main peloton sprinters to support the white jersey team leader Hooray. This proved to be a disastrous manoeuvre which eventually led to Wee Bev, Soft Cock and Snack Bar needing to take a nature break and losing trail and missing the cut off time for the remaining piss stops.

It was a controversial finish at the Stage 2 finish line with Spoof’o claiming the win for the short cutting bastards team closely followed by Smallgoods & Luv Shack cumming in unison as the group leaders for the front walking bastards.

Jack le Poo’s 2^nd hydration station was a mixed bag of high-octane fuel & red lollies to keep the remaining team riders within the peloton for the final leg and team classification rankings through the Champs-Elysees Battery Point area.

At the finish line in Albuera St the competing riders were all presented with rivers of cheap champagne and beer to the victorious sounds on On-On to the remaining in cumming riders.

Most of the NDIS and tricycle riding teams were already gathered at the finish line, with some choosing to miss the presentations completely and return to the Après Hash gathering in the Civic Club.

Once again Chardonnay’s Tour de Pisse 2024 was an immense success, and many thanks should go to the efforts of Jacques le Merde and his tour de Femme wench, Chris Miss for their fantastic efforts this year.

So – until the 2025 Tour de Pisse when “we’ll do it all again” – viva le Chardonnay H3.

On-On Two Dicks.

DOWN DOWNS

Lip session conducted by Slipper Nipple and Smallgoods

• Jack Sh!t. The Hare
• Jack Sh!t: for demonstrating attention to detail … his kitchen t-towel coordinated with his T-shirt.
• Buddha and Pussy Galore. Drove all the way from the Travelodge car park. A prelube to their mainland travels?
• In The Raw, TopDek, Buddha, Luv Shack, Maxi, Herr Flick, Slippery Nipple for wearing hats in a no hat bar!  They should all have stood us a round of drinks.
• Pussy Galore & Smallgoods found her dancing in her garden .. stimulated by a garden stake… more effective than Buddha!
• Lone Arranger.  Needs to learn NOT to pass wind in earshot of the Lip!
• Herr Flick & Jack Sh!t.  Jack insisted that Flick take Chris Miss to Bunnings so that he did not have to!

• Dyke. (At the bar last week) Got excited that someone had left a $1 coin on the bar. … Despite it being next to the charity collection box!  Shame on him.
• Herr Flick.  Now retired and a member of the midweek aged bike hash. After a disastrous wardrobe failure on his first outing he has now got himself a pair of pants with a nappy insert.. but doesn’t know where to put his pee wee.
• Jugs. For telling a joke.. or three!
• Snack Bar and C’nt Stop Off on trip to the Emerald Isle… Snacky has been bragging about all the things He has organized When in fact C’nt Stop has. Does he really know anything that is going on?…When asked if he has relatives to meet up with in County Clare He said “I will have to ask Growler!!!!! “
• Soft C*ck. Looking attractive in his white cycling suit with nappy bum and prominent camel toe.. or moose knuckle
• Soft C*ck then proceeded to retrieve hash badges from said moose knuckle and awarded them to:
  • Hooray… for 150 runs
  • Hands On… for 850 runs

Skols from the floor

• Herr Flick-> C*nt Stop. For making a mess on the Civic Club floor after Jugs has just had the cleaners in after the mess that H4 made!
• Chris Miss -> Softy. Chris Miss and Jack Sh!t have been looking after his dog Murphy while Softy has been living it up in Queensland. One day was exercising trying hard to maintain a plank hold and Murphy decided that he would ‘give her a bit!’

NEXT RUN

Run 1427: 25 July 2024
HARE APPARENT: Can’t Stop
STARTING FROM: Taroona Bowls and Community Club
RUN REPORTER: Johnny Fuckacarcass (ever the optompist is Wee Bev)
$20 run fee ($10 run only) – includes P!ss Stop and food. Buy your own drinks at the venue.

RECEDING HARELINE

We have a few gaps in our calendar.  Please volunteer to set a trail if you have not already done so this year!

UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 6 December 2024 | Hobart Posh Hash 1920s cocktail evening @ Big O’s Juke Joint
• 28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
• 8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1425

MISMANAGEMENT 2024

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.