Chardonnay’s Cup Runneth Over Trail – R*n 1443
The 2024 Chardonnay Cup!
7 November 2024 from St Johns Park Bowls Club, New Town
Hare: Growler
Run Reporter: Growler

Ah, the Hashers’ paradise—where happiness is measured in tasty bites, frosty brews, and trails winding like a confused snake! This year’s Chardonnay Cup Run truly delivered the goods, checking off all the necessary boxes on the Hasher bingo card.

Now, imagine a brisk evening where the wind was more aggressive than your roommate after you’ve ‘borrowed’ their last slice of pizza. At precisely 6:31 PM, the Chardonnay Cup Run pack launched itself with all the grace of a herd of toddler elephants out the door of the St Johns Park Bowls Club.

The thrilling adventure began as they galloped down St Johns Avenue, casually waving goodbye to the NRE Newtown Research Laboratories—because who doesn’t love a little science on their run? A swift right turn at Middle Road led them behind Hobart City High School, navigating a dirt path that could easily moonlight as an obstacle course for ninja warriors. Speaking of obstacles, the end of the trail was reached somewhere near New Town Primary School, where a traffic-free Foster Street became their racetrack. Maximus, leading the charge, dashed across like an Olympic sprinter, while the walkers tried to keep up, spurred on by Grizzly’s enthusiastic “On On!”

But hold on to your hats! Just as the runners turned into Carlton Street, they were met with the dreaded FT—False Trail—right outside Hands On’s old house. Cue the dramatic pause as the walkers – now more in tune with the stats of rabbits than runners – spotted the wayward runners retreating like startled deer.

The keen-eyed (or possibly just lucky) Hashers resumed their quest, eventually discovering the trail down Montague Street, just outside Woolworths. Who knew grocery shopping was so rich in false trails? Ah, yes, and back to Foster Street we go!

The group trudged along, bravely crossing Newtown Road near Jackman and McRoss – navigating through antique shops, because who doesn’t want their run littered with the ghosts of old lamps? The trail went on, throwing FT after FT like confetti at a parade, truly testing the limits of camaraderie among the pack. Keeping the team together has never been so challenging!

Meanwhile, the walkers decided they’d join the thrill of the FT rollercoaster, backtracking and weaving their way through the labyrinth of streets, ultimately delighting in their own adventure while the runners gallantly trudged on, dodging FTs as if they were ninjas in a video game.

Then came that glorious moment when both groups reconvened at the Piss Stop – an oasis filled with liquid gold (aka cold alcoholic refreshments) and a veritable buffet of nibbles that could make a five-star chef weep with jealousy. As laughter and tales flowed freely, the crew returned around 7:45 PM, ready to digest both food and ridiculous stories.

Back at the bowls club, the culinary wizards – aptly named Growler’s kitchen crew consisting of Hands On, Cumonion, and Uber (not the ride-share, though they may need one after this feast) – served a spread fit for royalty: melon and prawn salad, roasted pork and beef, pink-eye potatoes, and an Asian green salad to boot! For dessert, pick your poison: the tangy lemon meringue pie or the delightful pecan coffee torte. Both options would likely spark intense debates about the meaning of life.

Grizzly, the race caller extraordinaire, MCd the highly anticipated races, culminating in that nail-biting showdown: the Chardonnay Cup! Spoof, a true champion, clinched that coveted cup, while Hands On gracefully accepted her… well, let’s say less-than-coveted ‘Cocks Plate’, a trophy awarded for coming in last. It takes a special person to embrace such honours.

Thanks to everyone who turned up for another memorable night filled with camaraderie, calories, and the occasional footrace scenic tour! Who knew running could be this amusing? Cheers to all 30 Hashers who made it a fantastically funny and enjoyable night!

On On
Growler

Apres Hash we were treated to a three-course meal served by Growler & Cumunion

• Prawn Cocktail,
• Roast Pork and/or Roast Beef with salad and baby potatoes
• Coffee Cake or Lemon meringue Pie

The Room was called to order and the Chardonnay Cup commenced. Horse progress called by Grizzly, results recorded by Uber.

Race 1 – Irish Girls Plate – winner: Lone Arranger
Race 2 – Hands On Derby – Can’t Stop
Race 3 – Dyke Handicap – Spoof
Race 4 – Slippery Nipple Maiden – Pole Dancer
Race 5 – Clearfell Stakes – Hands On by a nose
Race 6 – Snack Bar Trophy – Herr Flick (trained by Jack Shit)

The Chardonnay Cup
1st place – Spoof
Runner-up – Herr Flick
Third – Pole Dancer
Last, and recipient of the Cocks Plate – Hands On

Fashions on the field
Judged and presented by Margaret, our trusty volunteer bar person at the Bowls Club
Best dressed male – Pole Dancer
Best dressed female – Growler

Growler then made a small speech thanking us all for cumming and thanking her Chardonnay Cup cummittee – Hands On, Uber & Cumunion – for their assistance.

DOWN DOWNS

Slippery Nipple present.

• Growler: The Hare
• C*ntry Members: Rotten, Johnny Fuckacarcass, Fringe Benefits and Red Dress
• Herr Flick: He and Crusha went for a quiet little drinky in Sydney at the weekend…got so pissed they ended up getting thrown out of four pubs. [It should be noted that only Flick was refused service, Crusha was allowed in!]
• Herr Flick: Duly creamed and awarded a badge for 1150 Hash walks! Apparently he is currently second in the lead table of Chardonnay Hash attendees.
• Uber: A belated buffday skol.. His birthday was last Saturday.
• Snack Bar. For eventually working out how to use the Square.  “A light Bulb moment” he said! However Maximus revealed that Snacky had been deliberately using the wrong email address to deliberately avoid doing his duty.
• Jack Shit. For sending pictures of Chris Miss in the bath to Herr Flick

Skols from the floor:

• Jack Shit-> Herr Flick for requesting said photos because his  security camera in the bathroom was not working.
• Herr Flick-> Slippery for admitting that she voted for Donald Trump…
• Herr Flick ->Spoof  For offering Crusha a room in his house in exchange for ‘favours’!
• In The Raw-> Rotten Complaining that she had put on 2kg… ITR suggests that perhaps she had put 1 kg on each breast… as walking uphill she was bent over with their weight.
• Grizzly -> Johnny Fuckacarcass Taking advantage of Joffa’s (the Collingwood cheerleader’s) incarceration to steal – and wear – his cheerleading outfit.
• Loan Arranger -> Johnny Fuckacarcass for Facebook posting  that he has imported cigars without declaring them to customs!
• Johnny Fuckacarcass -> In The Raw A belated skol… and award for Collingwood NOT winning the grand final!

NEXT RUN

Run 1444: 14 November 2024 – Buddha’s 2,587th birthday!
HARE APPARENT: Pussy Galore
STARTING FROM: Belles Burgers, Bellerive
RUN REPORTER: Fringe Benefits
$10 run fee – includes PS, buy your own food and drinks at the venue

RECEDING HARELINE

RUN	DATE	HARES	VENUE	REPORTER
1445	21 Nov	Cumonion	John Turnbull Park, Lenah Valley	Can’t Stop
1446	28 Nov	Wee Bev (Not quite) St Andrews Day	TBA	Buddha
1447	5 Dec	Dyke	TBA	TBA
1448	12 Dec	The Joint Masters Christmas R*n	Black Buffalo, North Hobart	TBA
1449	19 Dec	Hands On	Seven Mile Beach	Chris Miss
1450	26 Dec	Chris Miss
1451	2 Jan	TopDek (TBC)	TBA	TBA
1452	9 Jan	In The Raw	TBA	Herr Flick
1453	16 Jan	The Joint Masters AGPU!	TBA	TBA
1454	23 Jan	Soft Cock (TBC) Traditional Soft Opening	Montagu Bay Reserve (TBC)	TBA

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UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 6 December 2024 | Hobart Posh Hash 1920s cocktail evening @ Big O’s Juke Joint
• 9 December | Sydney Posh H3 3000th Run
• 25 December | Christmas Day Hash @ Legacy Park Community Hub
• 16 January 2025 | Chardonnay Hobart H3 Annual General P!ss Up
• 28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
• 8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1443

MISMANAGEMENT 2024

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.

GRAND MASTER	Softy	thommotas@gmail.com
JOINT MASTERS	Arsecutter & Luv Shack
ON SEC	Wee Bev	weebev@netspace.net.au
HASH CASH	Maximus & Snack Bar
HASH HOPS	Brazilian & Hands On
TRAILMASTER	Cumonion	amctye@bigpond.net.au
HASH LIPS	Slippery Nipple & Smallgoods
HASH FLASH	Prickit
HASH HORN	Jack Shit
RELIGIOUS ADVISOR	Gingernuts