Chardonnay’s Damn Blusters Trail – R*n 1447
5 December 2024 John Turnbull Park, Lenah Valley
Hare: Dyke
Run Reporter: Smallgoods (under sufferance)

What can be said of this run.

Previously I had stated with some conviction that I would boycott Dyke’s runs from then on, and meant it. Unfortunately, Dyke, Grizzly and Wee Bev appear to have concocted a cunning plan, fearing that I may forego my Lip responsibilities and honor my previous pronouncement, they also made me scribe for the run report. Doubling down on the guilt trip to ‘encourage’ my attendance.

I hit the road at 0530 and headed up the highland Lake Highway to a job at Devonport, then on to Burnie. Beautiful weather all the way and I drove home very slowly trying to ensure I’d be too late to come to Hash but alas, 1730 was not late enough. Arriving home, Luv Shack ordered me into the shower, to change into Hash gear and then get my skates on. I should have had a puncture or something.

Arriving at the On On, I was amazed that so many people had turned up to be punished yet again by bloody Dyke, then realized there was a virtual Virgin, half dozen unsuspecting Country Members and a few Visitors as well. I suspect that had they known what they were in for, they’d have stayed home.

“There’s only one hill” the bastard said with a grin. Knowing that that meant a bloody big, steep hill which we would go straight up then straight back down. Few suspected the lying bastard would deceive a pack already expecting the worst, but he did. The ‘one hill’ was followed by a downhill slope into a gully and from there it was constant up, up, up, until reaching the top and then coming back down an equally steep, slippery more treacherous return trail. One small flat section along Purdie Street was only 100m long and very short lived.

Clearly my views on this trail were not very positive, but virtually everyone on trail was very much of the same opinion. “I hate the bastard”, “WTF is he doing to us, I thought Hashers were mates”, “Lets just ignore the bastard and pretend he doesn’t exist when we get back” were some of the comments among the expletives heard up and down the trail, issued by those few who were able to talk between gulping air or bending over wheezing.

I have to admit, the colour on the faces of the returnees, coupled with dull expressions, the thousand metre stares of some and general lack of conversation for the first few minutes of arriving at the Piss Stop was interesting to see. Dyke was even too scared to turn up at the Piss Stop. Good call by him I think as some were calling for blood.

Unlike the previous venture at this On On site, the weather was balmy, no sea breeze and a very pleasant evening ensued. BBQ, cold meats and salads were well received.

The run prompted a new song, courtesy of Chuckie, (subsequent to the Lip Session) sung to the Mickey Mouse Club theme. “That’s the crappest trail of all, I’m sure that you’ll agree “ S-H-I-T-T-Y that’s a shitty trail, shitty trail, shitty trail…..the remaining words escape me but I’m sure we can work on it. That in itself presents a problem as the “He’s the most hated man in Hash” song, also potentially requires a re-work given the group consensus that that title should be passed over from In The Raw to Dyke. This was ratified by ITR and the assembled throng, including prominent Committee members, including both JM’s, both Hash Hops, Both Lips, Hash Flash, half the Hash Cash and Trail Master. I’m thinking its official?

DOWN DOWNS

The Lip Session – from my perspective anyway – was enjoyable; some horrible Chardonnay, a well-mannered Circle and a unified general feeling of ‘that bastard’ keeping the heat off Slippery Nipple and myself:

• The Hare: A skol for the Hare started proceedings. You will note that this is blank because I’m reluctant to refer to the Hare by name.
• Visitors and County Members….multitudes: So many new faces. All of them said “this is F&^*(%$d. I’m never coming back.” [Crusha, Chuckie, Power Pumper and Scrotum: can’t remembers; Ringo, Urang, Tight Seal and Blueprint: visitors]
• Can’t Stop: was MC at the Bruny Ultra and thought he was Michael Parkinson, Steven Fry, perhaps Graham Norton or Letterman. Or maybe Elvis. Regardless, he loved the microphone and he’d had a lot of beers.
• Dyke and Grizzly: Wee Bev should have been there too as I had previously openly stated that I would not partake in another Dyke trail. They conspired to make me hash scribe to ensure my attendance.
• Cant Stop, Prickit, Hands On, Snack Bar: Bruny Island Ultra DNFs.
• Snack Bar: repeated the theme developed at the Fling of having a ‘nap’ in the afternoon, flaked it in his car for 3 hours at the Bruny Ultra .

• Cereal Box and Scrotum: caused traffic chaos, standing 6 metres down from a pedestrian crossing in the middle of the carpark access driveway wondering why the cars were still, with drivers looking at them and banking further and further up Creek Road because they were preventing cars from leaving the road and entering the carpark.
• Dyke: for no reason other than being an arsehole for setting that trail.
• Birthday Cake: Grizzly and In The Raw
• ITR: offered by the Lips, the opportunity to pass on the title of the most hated man in Hash to Dyke. An opportunity which he gleefully accepted to the raucous applause of all assembled. The first time I can recall ITR making a statement that was unanimously accepted. Dyke joined the skol as the title was passed on.
• Cant Stop: Got himself so pissed last time at this venue that he left his cooler bag, complete with a number of beers. Returned remarkably intact AND cold.
• Tight Seal and Chuckie: Navy take it up the arse…doo dah…

Skols from the floor:

• Grizzly > Loan Arranger: Drove up to the Piss stop, duly handed Grizzly the car keys and said, “I’ve had too much to drink, you’ll have to drive back”
• ITR > Dyke: Shittest run in history, was so bad he was too scared to turn up to the piss stop.
• Luv Shack > Dyke: Dyke lost his red wine and accused Luv Shack of stealing it. To be honest, anyone could have stolen it and he was lucky it came back red and not looking like an aged and off chardonnay and quite warm as well.
• Chucky and Power Pumper > Dyke: Disappointed they came back from NT Hash to such a crap run. Penned a song in response.
• ITR > Slippery: I cant recall the reason but please don’t pick on my fellow Lip in future. [Was told at the PS ‘Here comes your partner’; responded with ‘Which one?’]
• Snack Bar > Dyke: Mate, I thought you understood what a good trail entails… very disappointed…
• Pole Dancer > Dyke: WTF was that ???
• Can’t Stop, called Crusha to the floor because he returned to Chardonnay and didn’t even know how many runs he had done…neither did Can’t Stop who duly joined the skol, or pretty much anyone else there either..dud skol.
• Grizzly > Crusha: fitter and with a new knee, proclaimed that he’d run the trail; lasted the length of the oval before pulling up and walking.

Announcements:

AGPU will be a pirate/nautical themed night.
WILL NEED FIRM NUMBERS as food needs to be ordered in advance.
Cost will be $25 if you have done 10 runs or more ($50 for everyone else) and includes a three-course meal and multiple p!ss stops.
Details to follow.

NEXT RUN

Run 1448: 12 December 2024
HARE APPARENT: The JMs
STARTING FROM: Black Buffalo Hotel, Federal St, North Hobart
RUN REPORTER: Fringe Benefits
$25 run fee – includes two-course dinner and multiple p!ss stops

NOTE: order your meal (off the menu) at the bar when you arrive (cost is covered in the run fee)

Bring a ‘unisex’ present worth at least $10 for the opportunity to play with Santa’s sack

RECEDING HARELINE

UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 6 December 2024 | Hobart Posh Hash 1920s cocktail evening @ Big O’s Juke Joint
• 9 December | Sydney Posh H3 3000th Run
• 25 December | Christmas Day Hash @ Legacy Park Community Hub
• 16 January 2025 | Chardonnay Hobart H3 Annual General P!ss Up
• 15 March 2025 | Bream Creek Show Hash R*n
• 28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
• 8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1447

MISMANAGEMENT 2024

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.