Chardonnay’s Handsy Hanukkah Trail – R*n 1449
19 December 2024 Lewis Park, Seven Mile Beach
Hare: Hands On
Run Reporter: Chris Miss

On the 19th December, six days before the big boy in red comes down your chimney, Hashers gathered at Seven Mile Beach. They had no high expectations after the JM’s Christmas extravaganza the previous week. All Hashers know, once the Christmas run has been and gone it’s all downhill till the AGPU. This didn’t stop JM’s Arsecutter and Luv Shack turning up to gloat about how great their achievements were last week. I’m still wondering why this run wasn’t the actual Christmas Run…

Oh well, on on with this run report.

So there must be something to celebrate about Seven Mile Beach that might lift this run to a higher status. Well there are a few destinations in Australia that claim a Seven Mile Beach. NSW has one in the Kiama/Shoalhaven region. It’s claim to fame would see Clearfell salivating and coming in his pants, because in 1925 it became the Gerringong Speedway. It attracted some of Australia’s top racing car drivers aiming to be the first to beat the 100mph (166kph) speed barrier. Also in 1933 Seven Mile Beach in NSW was used by Sir Charles Kingsford Smith as a runway for the first commercial flight between Australia and New Zealand. So that would surely have Maximus and Cumonion jumping for joy and reaching for a tin out of the chully bun.

Sadly Seven Mile Beach in Tasmania has no such claims to fame. It has a beach, it has sand dunes for perverts, a dirty big pine forest to ride your horse in and it’s the home of one of our own in Hands On BHB. 

But wait, what’s that you say? Hallelujah, its a Christmas  miracle. Hot off the press, Seven Mile Beach has now opened the first disc golf course on the Eastern shore in the dirty big pine forest. Surely this should be a reason to celebrate and create a bit of fun for Hashers. An unexpected large group of Hashers had obviously also heard about the Christmas miracle and turned up ready to play. Orders were barked out and off the pack went. The one thing they could be pretty much sure of was there would be no hills! Are you listening Dyke?? But the bigger question was, would there be disc golf? 

The run was around 7km which had the runners come in first. The walk was around 5km. [Even though the walkers’ Strava records averaged out at around 6.8km? Ed.] It was a predictable trail through the golf course out on the horsey trail, through where the new cricket high performance centre will go and then into the dirty old pine forest. What no beach on a beautiful evening? Oh well probably safe seeing as no one knew if the afternoon effluent catastrophe would reach that far! There were the usual short cutting bastards.  Allegedly if you cut a hole in the golf course fence you cut off at least 3km. Isn’t that correct; Spoof, Crusha and Uber?

Hands On hosted the p!ss stop in the dirty old pine forest and had to haul her sand buggy with the eskies at least 1km to the fort. Sadly, the Christmas miracle of disc golf was some distance away. Oh well maybe next time we can encourage Hashers to BYO frisbee, plastic plate or any other plastic flying vessel and try out the disc golf course. I’m sure the JM’s were relieved as they were assured that this run, with the Christmas miracle, would not outdo their previous weeks efforts.

On On Chris Miss

DOWN DOWNS

Presiding Lips: Slippery Nipple & Smallgoods

• Hands On– The Hare
• Bugger Off, Fruitcake, Metro, Pee Wee for being Cntry members
• Clearfell, Spoof and Crusha see themselves as handsome muscular types… but are certainly not gentlemen.  Got to Hash and left poor Brazilian to woman-wrangle  all the p!ss stop eskies by herself!
• Brazilian & Hands On. Appear to have lost their marbles! Were observed doing a chicken dance at the p*ss stop!
• Luv Shack. Was so excited to get a glass of bubbles at the p!ss stop she poured herself one with a very big head!
• Snack Bar. for getting caught short again and had to do a bush poo! Didn’t manage to squat in time to ended up with dirty dacks… had to remove them and free-ball the rest of the run!
• Pee Wee. Also got caught short… similar scenario to above.. but he used pine needles as toilet paper.. now has some stuck in his bottom!
• Wee Bev. For losing her mobile phone down the toilet at Full Moon Hash!
• Tight Seal. For visiting again!

Skols from the floor:

• Dyke ->  Snack Bar. Dyke claimed that Snacky should inherit the ‘Most hated man in Hash’ title because he knocked over Clearfell’s beer. Grizzly interjected, noting that it was Dyke who threw a offending pine cone!
• Grizzly -> Prikit. Had her phone in her skirt pocket… Skirt was trying to log in secretly while she was running along… but the phone did not recognise it to sign in. By the time she got to the p!ss stop her phone had locked itself. and she could not access it (to take the important hash photos) for 15 minutes after her arrival!
• Wee Bev -> Pee Wee for being a litter lout … left his empty beer bottle on a table for others to clean up! What did your last servant die of!
• Pee Wee– for trying to fox us…Pretending he had a joke then calling Hooray into the circle!  There are only so many Hooray ‘jokes’ that Hash can bear… and we have reached that threshold!

NEXT RUN

Run 1450: 26 December 2024
HARE APPARENT: Chris Miss
STARTING FROM: Montagu Bay Reserve
RUN REPORTER: Gingernuts
$5 run fee – BYO everything!

RECEDING HARELINE

TopDek & In The Raw.. Where are your runs going to be from?

UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 25 December | Christmas Day Hash @ Legacy Park Community Hub
• 16 January 2025 | Chardonnay Hobart H3 Annual General P!ss Up
• 15 March 2025 | Bream Creek Show Hash R*n
• 28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
• 8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1448

MISMANAGEMENT 2024

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.