Chardonnay’s We Love Flat Hills Trail – R*n 1452
13 January 2025 Mt Stuart Park
Hare: In The Raw
Run Reporter: Two Dicks

Thursday proved to be a very nice day for outdoor pursuits such as fly fishing at Pine Tier Lagoon followed by an evening of frivolity with the Chardonnay Hash House Harriers. Good weather for drinking beers & having BBQ’s (take away kababs) followed up with a bit of creaming and bagging of In The Raw (the 2^nd most hated man in Hash).

The tennis had finished early, so Jack Shit wanted a lift to hash, but not Chris Miss, as she refused to do a potential ITR ankle-breaker up & down Knocklofty hill and decided to stay at the tennis centre to get some autographs. And so, at the request of Wee Bev calling me from her work to say that she didn’t want any drinks, I loaded my eski full of cold beers and headed off to pick up my passengers. My interpretation of “didn’t want any drinks” later proved to be problematic for me as I was meant to have interpreted that as “no alcohol but bring me some soft drinks – you wanker”.

The pack gathered at the small but perfectly hash sized Mt Stuart Park – BBQ area to give ITR our dinner orders before being sent off with some dubious trail instructions that there was basically only one hill and the trail starts over there somewhere; But at least he gave a clear intention that there would be a well-stocked Piss Stop at the end.

Despite the one big hill statement and the use of large amounts of lime instead of the more hash friendly use of flour it was a well-set hash trail covering predominantly bush territory with spectacular views of the Hobart environs and surprisingly undulating on a moderate gradient that saw all but the NDIS members of Cumonion & Slippery Nipple get to the Piss Stop.

There was a fair bit of short cutting going on (with some assistance from ITR) with Spoof’o & Crusher claiming to be the lead the walkers despite the real gun walkers Dyke, Jack Shit & Griz doing about 3km’s more than them by actually sticking the marked trail.

The gun r#nners, Maximus, Pole Dancer & Red Dress popped up at numerous times interweaving with the walker’s trail, but the 2^nd rate r#nners of Snack Bar & Hooray basically got lost in the bush and only found the Piss Stop via a more non-compliant route.

C#nt Stop claimed that he had done all the r#nners trail but was seen hobbling off trail and short cutting the r#n to get back with the main pack on numerous occasions.

Being a very nice evening, there were quit a few civilians on the Knocklofty trails along with a shit load of wallabies and critters and some pervert with a very big camera hiding in the bushes taking photos of the local Large Breasted Mattress Thrasher birds (he said it was a Tawny Frogmouth).

The Piss Stop was located at the picturesque Mount Stuart Lookout which also serves as the roof of the Mt Stuart water supply reservoir. The eskis were stocked full including lots of ice and there was a great selection of nibbles that Sit & Spin made short work of whilst guarding the food tables. Visiting tourists were feeling a bit uneasy approaching the lookout area with the large pack of undesirable Hashers drinking beer and calling themselves by some very uncouth names, putting them off the view. But Pole Dancer took it upon himself to help a couple of young girls wanting to get a photo of themselves (without any Hashers in the background) and tried to operate their retro styled camera, somewhat unsuccessfully.

Back at the On-On BBQ area the drinks were flowing, food was served (delivered by Hands On due to ITR being too pissed), some local boys on bikes were screaming like banshees with Tourette’s, while Twinkle Toes was busy training her dog Randal to go down the 20m kiddie slide as part of his trauma rehabilitation therapy.

Just another great evening at Chardonnay H3.

On-On Herr Flick (because Grizzly was too lazy to write my report like he does for others)

DOWN DOWNS

Presiding Lip: Slippery

• In The Raw– The Hare
• In The Raw– To help celebrate his 400 hash Millstone!
• Tarzan’s Grope. For being a C*ntry member
• TwinkleToes. For forcing Randall to slide down the kiddies slide despite there being a notice that forbid dogs being within 10m of the play park!

Skols from the floor:

• Skols for lost property-  presented by Cumunion and Arsecutter:
  A pair of sunglasses lost by Stinky Fingers AND a set of crystal glasses left behind in the POSH Hash bus by Spoof.
• Hands on-> In the Raw For being too pished to drive to her car to pick up the hash tucker. Hands on had to chauffeur him!
• Grizzly -> Hands On for trying to force a bag of Teddy’s poo into a tiny slot the garbage bin… Only after, did she realise the correct, normal, size rubbish slot was on the other side of the bin!
• Snack Bar-> Pole Dancer For sacrificing the company of the FRBs to pat, and pat, and pat the dog of a rather attractive lady. Man’s best friend and the dog Poley!
• Jack Sh*t  ->  Herr Flick for not having telepathic powers about what Wee Bev wanted to be provided with to drink at Chardonnay.  Not a good omen for their trip around Australia!
• Grizzly- >Pole Dancer For pushing all the other Hashers out the way so that he could personally assist the young ladies who were admiring the view at the piss stop, Then had to ask them how to work their camera.

• LA -> Crusha For standing in the way of the young ladies trying to take pictures.
• TwinkleToes-> Dyke & Randall the dog. Dyke is ashamed that Randall does not cock his leg like big boy dogs do. He squats, and Dyke keeps walking so that Randall pisses while he walks. Twinkle suggests that Randall should be renamed Piss Artist and the assembled agreed!
• C*nt Stop -> Vodka Cruiser…Turned up late, shortcut… and still managed to get lost despite pre-rekeying the trail.
• La-> Sit and Spin.. Been with us a week and is now leaving us and heading north to Launceston. Have her the F*ck off Song she deserved!
• Can’t Stop -> In The Raw. .. but meant Hooray….so skolled for the error!
• C*n’t Stop -> Hooray For being the only one to do the trail backwards!
• Slippery Nipple -> Hooray, For being a birthday boy (tomorrow).
• Grizzly -> Slippery Nipple For voting for a crazy guy… elected because he would fix the cost of living crisis, but is now focused on changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico and seeking to take over Greenland and the Panama Canal.
• Hands On -> Snack Bar For depositing shitty underpants in the Seven Mile Beach woodlands… Apparently shitty underpants were located by one of the upstanding members of the Seven Mile Beach running community’s pet dog

NEXT RUN

Run 1453: 16 January 2025
THE 2024 ANNUAL GENERAL P!SS UP!
Pirate/Nautical Theme! Arrrr!
(There won’t be the usual 45-60 minute trail, so cum in costume)
HARE APPARENT: The Joint Masters
STARTING FROM: Customs House Hotel
RUN REPORTER: Sonar
$50 run fee ($25 if you’ve done 10 runs or more the past year) – three-course meal and p!ss stop provided.

RECEDING HARELINE

UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 15 March 2025 | Bream Creek Show Hash R*n
• 28-30 March 2025 | Aussie Nash Hash 2025, Fremantle
• 8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1452

MISMANAGEMENT 2024 (one last time…)

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.