Chardonnay’s Birthday Bonfire Trail – R*n 1469
8 May 2025 from Smokey7 Cafe, Kingston
Hare: Clearfell & Spoof
Run Reporter: Grizzly

Kingston has been a boom suburb for the past 20 years, with once farm land now cankered with bricks and mortar and swans made from old tyres. From a winter Hashing perspective, the greater part of suburban Kingston remained an untapped source of trail, with only the RSL, the Golf Club and the now-defunct ‘Southern Lights’ providing succor against the Tasmanian winter. Even so, all these venues were at the fringes of the Kingston broadacre.

In search of a Hash venue unicorn I found the Smokey7 Cafe in the Kingston Town Shopping Centre. Along with the ubiquitous eggs benny and cup of chino, the Cafe advertised that it was open for private functions. Question asked, affirmative response, and two trails set in relatively un-Hashed areas were to follow.

So, when I read that this week’s trail would be from the Smokey7 Cafe I felt somewhat territorial. Granted, I am now almost an hour and a different life away from that area, but this felt a bit like a surf-and-turf war.

This wasn’t helped when the trail started to look very familiar, and I was about to go all Nagi on the Hares’ caramel slice, but then when we reached ‘hammer barn’ something happened. Actually, there were several things.

One of the Hares appeared to be a bit limp-wristed and the dribble-dropped ‘arrows’ seemed to point in any direction other than the one we were meant to head. That’s fine – it was no more or less effectual than a blob of flour, but it did have the likes of TopDek and Growler in a spin trying to work out which way to head. (Head? Who said ‘head’? I’ll have some of that!) This was not an issue for In The Raw, who refuses to carry a torch and spent most of the trail bent over inspecting dog shit and NBN markings.

But the MAIN thing that happened was that trail hit virgin territory, opened up by the Spring Farm subdivision and the Whitewater Creek development hell. It’s these little things that give the ol’ descended ovaries a bit of a buzz.

Eventually the new trail caught up with the older Whitewater Creek Track and we hit our second virgin experience (can there be more than one?) as ‘On! On!’ reverberated through the infamous Summerleas Road underpass.

From there is was a case of heading back to the old side of Kingston and the room looked plush, heavy with red and gold velvet curtains and hazy from burning incense. There was only the one chair – no, throne – upon which Spuff sat, legs akimbo. His robe was loose, framing his magnificent erect manhood in a corona of purple and maroon silk. The curtain at the far end of the room parted and there she was, silhouetted by the harsh sun that beat down outside. The room was silent, except for the hum of the virtual reality headset. Inside the virtual world he was the lion-maned king of the desert, in reality Spuff sat alone on a camp chair in his lounge room, his VR ‘rod of steel’ hanging like an over-ripe banana passionfruit as the likes of Grassroots and Vodka Cruiser weighed up the benefits of calling in for a quick McPiss with fries.

Knowing that there was a p!ss stop out there somewhere, most knew to stick to trail so far into the evening. Not virgin Lucille*, who ‘knows boats’ and Hashed up Maronoa Street. Spoof thought that someone might try that – probably because he would have – and helpfully marked the PS so that all Gisperts’ little lost lambs might find the Esky.

* not Lucille, see skols

Well done to Hares Clearfell and Spoof on their well executed trail. The ‘exclusive rights’ to this venue now rest in your capable hands, just like Spoof’s over-ripe banana passionfruit.

On! On! Grizzly

NEXT RUN

Run 1470: 15 May 2025

HARE APPARENT: Vodka Cruiser
STARTING FROM: 10 Wildlife Court, Granton
NOTE: Best to park along the Reserve on Sanctuary Drive
RUN REPORTER: Growler
$20 run fee, with PS ($10 run only). Food provided, bring your own drinks.

A note from the Hash Hops: Now that daylight savings is over, p*ss stops will be for special themed runs or to coincide with other events such as birthdays. If you would like a p*ss stop outside of this, please contact the JMs

RECEDING HARELINE

Roll up! Roll up! 
Check your diaries and tell Morticia when and where you might like to set a trail this year.  If you don’t know how to set one. Find a friend who can to help you!

UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 26 May 2025 | Combined Clubs Charity Run (see flyer)
• 7-8 June | Chardonnay Hobart H3 Highland Fling @ Tullah
• 8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1469

MISMANAGEMENT 2025

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.

If you are away the week you have been nominated to do a run report, could you please let Xena know so that a replacement can be organised.