Chardonnay’s Christmas Run
18 December from the Black Buffalo Hotel, North Hobart
Hare: The JMs
Run Reporter: Lone Arranger

For eleven months of the year, fat bastards are considered ‘fair game’ for comments like ‘Who ate all the pies‘ and ‘Ringling Brothers called, they want their tent back‘, but for one month you can don a thick, red, 8XL suit on a summer’s day and have those same people fawning all over you like you’re the current US President. (There goes LA’s chance of a visa to enter the USA.)

But Lone Arranger is getting ahead of herself.

The seasonally-expanded Pack dribbled into ‘The Buff’, including our NT refugees Chuckie and “Chuckie’s partner” (aka Power Pumper). Presents were placed under the tree, although wrapping for half the gifts was somewhat superfluous as they were clearly either Cadbury’s Favourites or bottles of the best wine $10 could buy.

‘Best’ probably a non sequitur.

A non sequitur is a $5 phrase used by people to appear intelligent, and should never appear in a Hash run report. Shame on you, Lone Arranger!

Joint Master Dyke drew the short straw for this one, standing in front of a sea of red, green and blue (not a traditional Christmas colour, but still quite traditional for the likes of Snack Bar and Pee Wee). Dyke declared that there were three p!ss stops and no hills. He believed in Christmas miracles, that this would wipe the slate clean on the Most Hated Man in Hash scoreboard.

Spoiler alert: It wouldn’t, but he was indeed true to his word.

After a modest saunter for runners and a reasonable leg-stretch for the walkers we assembled behind the Post Office in North Hobart for Baileys or Green Ginger. No sign of the NDIS crew at this stage.

The Chardonnay Grinch – Sonar – was in fine form, bringing Christmas terror to all the little kids, while Metro swooped in after like a four-stringed paramedic to sing at the cowering children. (Because nothing is as calming as a strange man wielding a ukulele.)

Like Pee Wee, the journey to the second PS was a much shorter leg. Here Hands On dolled out Baileys or Cointreau. Or both. It was hard to see what we were getting as the new ‘rock’ on her finger was blinding us.

Still no sign of the NDIS crew.

The third PS featured ‘the good shit’ – via Hash Hops Clearfell – and a Christmas cake so dry that it was able to apply for drought assistance.

We were at trail-end after about 35 minutes; EXACTLY how these sorts of trails should be. Well done Dyke. The final p!ss stop was located at the Turnbull Funeral Home, which was appropriate as we could see the lumbering forms of the NDIS crew – released from their holding pens at ‘The Buff’ – making their way up.

Rather than a Circle back at the Hotel, the Portholes Memorial Card Table was set up with skols. Returning Lip Spoof felt obliged to ‘do something, for a change’, but both Lips operated under the iron fisting of JM Pole Dancer, making sure that we would be back seated, ready for meals at 7:45.

We were ready. The Hotel wasn’t – except for Slippery’s garlic bread, which was almost going to require another Christmas miracle to feed the hungry crowd.

When the meals did come out, we played the usual game of ‘I don’t have a name for this meal’, ‘I can’t remember what I ordered’ and ‘I have moved table’. A Christmas favourite.

Finally, the fat man came out and pretended that he’d brought along elf-made gifts from the North Pole. More like Northgate. (And just like Northgate, there was a brief fracas as Santa security had to deal with a theft.)

Great celebration to finish the year. Well done Dyke and team.

On! On!
‘Lone Arranger‘ *cough*

DOWN DOWNS

Lips: Nancy Boy and Spoof

• The Hares: The JMs – Dyke and Pole Dancer
• Can’t Remembers: Metro, Spoof, Chucky, Power Pumper, Twinkletoes, Tarzan’s Grope, Grassroots, Scary Eyeball, Jack Sh*t, Satin, Buddha and Pussy Galore (even though Buddha and Pussy may or may not have featured in last week’s photos).
• Sonar: No idea what this skol was for – couldn’t make any sense of the lip but apparently something to do with Sonar’s mask.
• Hands On: Went away for a while and came back with a ring on it.
• Snack Bar: Either had or didn’t have the luck of the Irish at the RSL.
• Wee Bev: Came back to Tasmania after spending many months on the road with Herr Flick and told her daughter that Flick was driving her mad and she was going to kill him. Rather than commit marital homicide, Wee Bev ditched him somewhere on the mainland.
• Zero: No Hash or Christmas gear.
• The JMs: For wasting the club’s money by paying Metro to be the night’s entertainment.
• Metro: Brought his plastic ukulele to Hash where attempts were made to pay him to leave.
• Buddha: Asked if there was a senior’s special at the pub.
• Grassroots and Cumonion: For heckling and being generally unruly during the lip session.

• Skols from the floor:
  • C#n’t Stop>Nancy Boy: The only person in Hash to break a Santa suit.
  • Grassroots>Dyke: For his dodgy Christmas cake cutting technique.
  • Jack Sh*t>Power Pumper: For giving us a history lesson on the origins of Federal Street.

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NEXT RUN

Run 1506: 25 December 2025 – Christmas Day Run 8:30am
HARE APPARENT: Chris Miss and Grizzly
STARTING FROM: Legacy Park Community Hub Upper Domain Road, Queens Domain
RUN REPORTER: Chris Miss
$20 run fee, food and drinks included.

RECEDING HARELINE

Roll up! Roll up! 
Check your diaries and tell Morticia when and where you might like to set a trail this year.  If you don’t know how to set one. Find a friend who can help you!

RUN	DATE	HARES	VENUE	REPORTER
1507	1 Jan	Chris Miss	Aberdeen Street Park	Xena
1508	8 Jan	Top Dek	TBA	Poley
1509	15 Jan	The JMs APGU	TBA	Wee Bev

UP CUMMING EVENTS

8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

A note from Pee Wee: Nash Hash 2027 Ballina NSW

🚐🏕️🚐🏕️🚐🏕️🚐🏕️🚐🏕️

Nash Hash seems a long way off, but there seems there are a good number of Tassie Hashers from all clubs who are joining the ‘Gray Nomads’ brigade and have camper homes, caravans, camper trailers etc.

My thoughts are, if enough are interested to make up a convoy to depart all on the same ferry, slowly travel to Ballina and Hash on the way. Route and stopovers to be decided by the group. All staying in the same caravan park in Ballina.

The reason for such an early notice is to book ferry places and any caravan parks on the way. Short notice bookings on the ferry is nigh impossible.

All interested, contact Pee Wee (the short one) on 0478 834 716 or ozziepeewee@gmail.com

🚐🏕️🚐🏕️🚐🏕️🚐🏕️🚐🏕️

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1505

MISMANAGEMENT 2025

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the Facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.

Run reports: Please send directly to Xena by Sunday lunchtime at melaniebryant2901@gmail.com

If you are away the week you have been nominated to do a run report, could you please let Xena know so that a replacement can be organised.

GRAND MASTER	Herr Flick
JOINT MASTERS	Dyke & Pole Dancer
ON SEC	Xena: melaniebryant2901@gmail.com
HASH CASH	Can’t Stop & Sonar
HASH HOPS	Clearfell & Chris Miss
TRAILMASTER	Morticia
HASH LIPS	Nancy Boy & Spoof
HASH FLASH	Gingernuts
HASH HORN	Snack Bar