RECEDING HARELINE

RUN No.	DATE	HARE	ON-ON VENUE	RUN REPORTER
1523	23 Apr	Growler	Maypole Hotel, New Town	Smallgoods
1524	30 April	In The Raw	The Waggon, New Town	TBA
1525	7 May	Jack Sh!t	Civic Club, Hobart	TBA
1526	14 May	Spoof & Clearfell	Kingston Hotel	TBA

See Arsecutter to lock in trail-setting your dates!

UP & CUMMING

8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia
2-4 April 2027 | Aussie Nash Hash 2027, Adelaide (see Pee Wee’s missive, below)

RUN REPORT

Chardonnay’s To Be Shore Trail
19 March from The Shoreline Hotel, Howrah
Hare: Fringe Benefits (AKA Snack Bar’s Boss)
Run Reporter: In The Raw

A warm balmy night. The venue, Shoreline Hotel.  The Hare, Fringe Benefits. Snack Bar, apparently had f*ck-all to do with it.

A good size pack to assemble at the On On.  The Hash Cash gurus, In The Raw and Cummonion, performed their duty with skill, aplomb and decorum.

The vibe of the night was positive, Hashers milling about, chatting and flirting.  On Sec, Lone Arranger, sidled up to me, sensually caressing my right buttock. She leaned close, across my chest, stroked my left arm and pressed her lips close to my right ear, her tongue protruding oh so slightly.  She whispered in my ear, “ITR, do you know what I want?”

It’s fair to say that my internal hydraulics had gone into full berserker mode by this time.  Knowing that both Grizzly and Flicky were absent, I figured that this was my best chance to nail (literally) the prize that I had hankered after for so long.

“What”, I nervously croaked, envisioning hours of long suppressed debauchery.

“I want you do the run report” she whispered with that husky, oh so sexy voice.

Thoroughly deflated and desperately trying to hide the rather impressive bulge in the front of my short, I agreed.

I was saved from further embarrassment by Snack Bar, who was not the Hare, He called the pack to order.  The run, which he had not set, was unremarkable. It was set on dribble dropper, which he had not used and a few chalk marks, of which he did not know the colour.  However, to much rejoicing, he announced that there was a piss stop, which in his typical fashion, he knew nothing about.

So, we set off.  There was some confusion at the exit from the Shoreline as there were arrows directing us back inside.  This must have been the bit the Fringe Benefits set. After all, Snacky would not do a f*ck up like this. Regrouping, the pack headed for the Howrah foreshore, along the bike track and towards Bellerive.

The good oil was that the P!ss Stop was at Fringe Benefits‘ mansion in Bellerive. As all know, this is up a steep hill, and it was.  That being said, it was a delightful piss top.  Fringe Benefits had prepared a very nice Sangria. There were cheezels, snacks and other delights.   Hash Hops, Toppy proved good range drinks and the views were impressive.

But as always in Hash, there is a shit head.   Yep, you guessedit, C*nt Stop, the biggest shit head in Hash history.  Even though he is a broken-down old hack, desperately clinging to a long-lost youth along with his natural hair colour (chortle, chortle), he still thinks he is a “Runner”. So, after hobbling for a bit and then catching an Uber to the piss stop, he hid the Kilkenny for his “running mates”

Hey dickhead, (that’s you, C#nt Stop), you have no mates. Everyone thinks you are a shit head. 

As usual in moments like this, the club needs a hero.  Well, that’s me, ITR.  Liberating the Kilkenny that C#nt Stop had stolen, I distributed to those more deserving, although the little shit managed to grab a second one.

By this stage it was obvious that a time and space problem had emerged.  The p!ss stop, as pleasant as it was, was on the very end of the outward tail.  All could see the On On, glimmering in the distance quite far away.  Meals were to be on the table at 7.45 pm.  It was now 7.30 pm.  What had taken us 35 minutes to walk to was supposed to take 15 minutes to get back.

We were reassured by Snack Bar.   “It’s not too far” he declared, “All downhill.  There are plenty of markings, no problems.”

Hmmm, methinks not. The return walk began with a steep uphill climb, that headed north, away from the On On, followed by a steep downhill turn to the south, still heading away from the on on. Growler was heard to say that she didn’t like the “up” as much as she liked “going down”.

At one stage we were heading west, the complete opposite direction from where the On On was.

Eventually, the pack arrived back at the Shoreline to find meals already out and waiting for us.

Uber presided over a rowdy Circle and as usual, picked on easy targets, the Hash Cash members (no shags for you mate). He compounded this by slagging ITR for the Cats sterling and hard fought one point loss to those hawk maggots. WTF???? Did the stinking magpies win??? Really, I think Uber is in the early stages of dementia.  He only remembers what he wants to.

All up, a bloody good night. Well done to Fringe Benefits for a lovely piss stop and OK trail. Also, to Snack Bar for doing nothing.  Finally, to Lone Arranger, thank you for the stains in my under pants.

On On
ITR

DOWN DOWNS

Lip: Hands On and Uber

• Hare: Fringe Benefits, plus general fuck-uppery by Snack Bar. Very faint chalk and an unfriendly hill marred what was potentially a good trail. “The bits the Fringe Benefits set were okay, the bits the Snacky set were shit”.
• Cumonion and In The Raw: late Easter miracle – the Square worked!
• In The Raw: dead cats (Geelong takes it up the arse!)
• Hashy birthdays to Red Dress (50) and Gingernuts.
• Fringe Benefits: went Easter glamping and put on a fashion show.
• Arsecutter, Didn’t Do It, Jim Beam, Luv Shack, Mrs Shithead, Old Goat & Scary Eyeball: can’t remembers.

• Goanna and Scrubber: escapees from the Adelaide Gather Round.
• Didn’t Do It: new shoes.
• Can’t Stop: hiding Kilkenny (again).
• Uber: 500th Run!
• Lone Arranger: Grizzly at home with ‘shagger’s back’.

Skols from the floor:

• In The Raw -> Gingernuts: paying up for another Geelong loss.
• Chris Miss -> Fringe Benefits: caught doing ‘Zumba’ on the pier at Bellerive.

HASH FLASH

Photos from Run 1521

MISMANAGEMENT CUMMITTEE 2026

GRAND MASTER	Grizzly
JOINT MASTERS	Grassroots & Slippery Nipple
ON SEC	Lone Arranger (Run reports to chardonnayh3@gmail.com by Sunday evening, please)
HASH CASH	Cumonion & In The Raw
HASH HOPS	Crusha & Topdek
TRAILMASTER	Arsecutter
HASH LIPS	Hands On & Uber
HASH FLASH	Growler
HASH HORN	Prickit