Chardonnay’s Smooth as Samba Trail – R*n 1480
3 July 2025 from Kingston Hotel
Hare: Brazilian
Run Reporter: Grizzly

The Hashing Gods are well-adept at managing weather on a Hash night, but are much less effective when it comes to managing traffic. Once again the city had become gridlocked by multiple traffic incidents, no doubt caused by dickhead drivers who believe that driving two metres back from the car ahead will get them home quicker.

Spoiler alert – it doesn’t, and in a very expensive way.

Luckily, we had left the sunny north-eastern shore early to collect Hump-Day Hasher Tight Seal from the salubrious Showgrounds camp ground but, as a result of the autostatic chaos, the function room at the refurbished Kingston Hotel at 6:21 pm was about as empty as a politician’s promise.

It was decided to delay the start of trail to allow any die hard travelers from the far north (not Launceston, probably as far as Moonah) to break through to the promised land of Kings Town. Ultimately, the only ‘die hard traveler’ was Red Dress, who lived only a few kilometres away, but was late because he’d gotten to the venue, then realised that he’d left his phone and torch at home.

The delayed start wasn’t popular with In The Raw, who had timed his run to the start line so that the last drop of his pre-trail beer spilled on to his Hash shirt at precisely 6:30 and 50 seconds. In a fit of pique, ITR announced that he would leave the club. The cheer was worthy of the MCG on Grand Final Day.

At 6:35 pm the Brazilian Hare gave instructions and unleashed the hounds. No sooner was the runners’ pack (consisting of one runner and Can’t Stop) out of sight when the front walkers – Pole Dancer, Prickit and Grizzly – realised that none of them had remembered to bring a torch. ITR chided that you don’t need a torch, which was all well and good until trail headed up the Whitewater Creek track and it got as dark as Gout Gout’s arsehole.

The walkers made their way up past Kingston’s busiest area – the fast food mega-plex – where the aroma of stale fried chicken oil and eleven secret carcinogens reminded us that we weren’t really that hungry. This was soon replaced by the unmistakable smell of the secret ‘herbs’ often in use in the suburbs that make fast food joints so popular.

Some well-placed checks were keeping most of the Pack together, even taking us through virginal laneways as we skirted the petticoat of Maranoa Heights before knickers back down to the CBD. Here I lost touch with the Pack while checking for trail around the shopping centre, but having navigated the warren of a commercial centre on many occasions as a citizen of the borough, I had Argue idea of where to catch them back up.

Good trail and well set, resulting in better-than-average engagement with the Pack.

The meals came out with only the odd repeated shout of ‘who ordered the parmi’ and ‘that might be mine, but I ordered the vegies’. (Hint: it wasn’t yours.) Meals looked to be of good size and quality and there was a nice selection of beers on tap. Handy to have another Kingston venue to choose from.

Nancy Boy’s circle was entertaining, and kept within the expected time limit thanks to some judicious choral editing of the Lip’s normal ‘flow’.

Thanks Brazilian!

On On
Grizzly

DOWN DOWNS

Lip: Nancy Boy

• Brazilian: The Hare. Well marked, no hills.
• Brazilian: obviously not shagging the Hash Hops enough as there was no p!ss stop!
• In The Raw: OCD – threatened to leave the club because trail didn’t start at 6:31. (JMs considering making it a regular 6:35 start…)
• Red Dress: lives closest to the venue, but last to arrive. Had to go back as he had forgotten his phone and only made it just in time.
• Tight Seal: visitor from Launceston Hump-Day Hash (LH5).

• Arsecutter, Can’t Stop, Prickit, TopDek, Lone Arranger and Grizzly: attended LH5’s first anniversary celebration.
• Prickit: remembered to put torch in her Hash jacket, but then forgot her jacket.
• Pole Dancer and Grizzly: also torchless.
• Crusha: took his ‘sister’ Tits Up to the snow.
• Red Dress, Buddha and Pussy Galore: country members.
• Pole Dancer: pulled a heart muscle playing pickle ball and did the walkers’ trail instead.

Skols from the floor:

• Poley -> Crusha: yet more ‘lost property’, photo of his winning horse.
• Grass Roots -> Arsecutter: fell into the van p!ssed after the Hump-Day Hash and gashed himself.
• Buddha -> Grass Roots and Arsecutter: the Kath and Kel of Chardonnay.
• Red Dress -> Can’t Stop: there being only two runners, Can’t Stop made Red Dress do all the checking and FTs. Skol reversed to Red Dress because that’s just good Hashing!
• Nancy Boy -> Nancy Boy: forgot to bring a pen (but really he was just thirsty).

NEXT RUN

Run 1481: 10 July 2025 Traditional Birthday Bash
HARE APPARENT: Crusha
STARTING FROM: Maypole Hotel, New Town
RUN REPORTER: Arsecutter
$5 run fee, buy your own food and drinks at the venue.

A note from the Hash Hops: Now that daylight savings is over, p*ss stops will be for special themed runs or to coincide with other events such as birthdays. If you would like a p*ss stop outside of this, please contact the JMs

RECEDING HARELINE

Roll up! Roll up! 
Check your diaries and tell Morticia when and where you might like to set a trail this year.  If you don’t know how to set one. Find a friend who can to help you!

UP CUMMING EVENTS

8-10 May 2026 | Interhash 2026, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

HASH FLASH

All the photos from Run 1480

MISMANAGEMENT 2025

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.

Run reports: Please send directly to Xena by Sunday lunchtime at melaniebryant2901@gmail.com

If you are away the week you have been nominated to do a run report, could you please let Xena know so that a replacement can be organised.