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RUN REPORT

Chardonnay’s Lone Paddy Trail
16 April from Paddy Wagon Irish Pub, Glenorchy
Poxy Hare: Grizzly
Run Reporter: Chris Miss

The term ‘Paddy Wagon’ originated in the mid to late 19th century in American cities, New York and Boston, referring to the police patrol wagons and the many Irish immigrants, of which many were named Patrick aka ‘Paddy’.

Commissioner Lone Arranger had assembled a variety of her underlings from around Hobart. Meeting at Police Headquarters, aka The Paddy Wagon, for a secret operative.

On arrival we were instructed to order a meal and cough up our social club dues to Detective Inspector In The Raw and his offsider Sergeant Cumonion. Forensic photographer Growler was capturing all the pre beat moments with PC’s TopDek, Slippery Nipple, Vodka Cruiser and Clearfell being photographed. It was then time to assemble in the briefing room before we hit the beat. 

Commissioner LA had gotten off her sick bed, something about a ‘deep root’ procedure (not sure I want anymore details). Consequently she handed over the secret operative dealings to Acting Superintendent Grizzly. 

As the force gathered it was noted there was a mix of police persons gathered, most in their required Chardonnay uniform, but clearly it was an important operative as there were some undercover top cops, Detectives TAP, Tarzan’s Grope, Swallow and Old Goat in there civies. Acting Commissioner Grizzly told us that our brief was to patrol the streets of Glenorchy so as to show an increased police presence as a means of deterring crime. A trail of flour and chalk in secret letters was to be followed and we were to return by 1930 hours. At this point PC Spoof and Metro were devising a plan of how to get out of doing the trail and not be noticed heading straight back to the bar.

The usual chaos outside Headquarters ensued before we got into our patrols and hit the beat. Code calls of ‘on on’ were heard as we spread out. Probationary PC Can’t Stop was the only runner present, if you can call it running! More like hobbling! Clearly he was carrying an injury as he kept grabbing at his arse. It was evident he was not job-fit so Sergeant Prickit barked out orders “stop running now”! He totally ignored the direction (there is always one rogue rookie cop) and was promptly put on report. 

Probationary PC Can’t Stop found his buddy PC Pole Dancer and they aimlessly headed off in all directions and at one point left PC Dyke loitering on the bike track after an FT. Detective Inspector ITR and Sergeant Prickit had their team of PCs Brazilian, Chris Miss and Snack Bar on the hunt, with trail found heading into the show grounds. DI ITR entertained us with stories of past policing capers involving piss stops and eskies. Eventually we were heading back toward headquarters taking the liberty of a few shortcuts! 

After being fed and watered it was time for the post beat debriefing. Misdemeanours from the operative were metered out by Sergeant Uber with much laughter from the rank and file.  Then awards were given out, one to PC Mrs Shithead for 50 operatives and 650 for PC Brazilian. Forensic photographer Growler was again hard at it capturing all the moments. Finally we farewelled PCs Dyke, Snack Bar, Arsecutter and Grassroots as they head to do some international police work. This left only one final task before the operative was drawn to a close, sing the song and ensure PC Spoof was silenced. A job well done by all.

On On to our next police operative at the Maypole Hotel. 
This is PC Chris Miss signing off!

DOWN DOWNS

Lip: Uber

• Poxy Hare: Grizzly.
• Lone Arranger: Dud root (canal)
• Grassroots: Blonde moment, went into the Elwick Hotel instead of the Paddy Wagon.
• Can’t Stop: Travelled all the way to ‘Gather Round’ in Adelaide to watch Melbourne FC take it up the arse from a team that had not won a game this year, Essendon.
• Arsecutter: Belated Hashy 64th birthday (f*ck you).

• Can’t remembers: Crusha, Dyke, Swallow, TAP, Tarzan’s Grope & Vodka Cruiser.
• Milestones:
  • Mrs Shithead: 50 Runs.
  • Brazilian: 650 Runs.
• Can’t Stop: Couldn’t start, being overtaken by an old lady in a wheelchair. Even his head torch wouldn’t start.
• Far cough yak hunts: Arsecutter, Grassroots, Dyke, Metro and Snack Bar.
• Snack Bar: Fringe Benefits made sure that Snacky had a haircut before leaving. Ripped off because head jobs are cheaper in Bali.

Skols from the floor:

• Snack Bar: Traffic chaos around Highfiled Street as a tree that he knew was about to fall over, did so in strong winds. Took ages to cut through with his hand saw.

Announcements:

• Grassroots: Room rates set at $75 per person, per night (shared cottages). Hash Cashiers now able to take payments for both Fling fee and accommodation.
• Morticia: Posh Hash 1 May starting from Room for a Pony, North Hobart.
• Growler: Next week’s trail starts from teh Maypole Hotel, New Town.

HASH FLASH

Photos from Run 1522

MISMANAGEMENT CUMMITTEE 2026