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RUN REPORT

Chardonnay’s Naked Wagon Trail
23 April from The Waggon, North Hobart
Hare: In The Raw
Run Reporter: Xena

With the real Hon Sec buggering off to Interhash, I made the mistake of volunteering to be the poxy Hon Sec for a few weeks so that everything would be kept in control. LA and Griz had it all sorted … run reporters ready to go; skol book in hand to pass along. All was going well … until … four days into the job my PTSD linked to people not sending through their run reports has already been triggered. So, with that job thing that I do that has travel involved, I have called upon my faithful Co-Pilot AI companion to come up with something that sounds semi-coherent so that I can get the Trash out before I get home next Sunday night. Here goes …

Last week’s hash kicked off from The Waggon, where optimism was high and trust in the Hare was, in hindsight, totally misplaced. In The Raw laid a trail that could generously be described as “creative,” with an impressive number of false trails designed to test patience, fitness, and basic faith in humanity. Checks abounded, confidence evaporated early, and every correct trail felt more like luck than skill.

Despite the psychological warfare, the terrain was fairly kind, featuring only one small hill (which naturally grew taller with every retelling). Runners clocked roughly 7km, while walkers enjoyed a more civilized close-to-4km wander, complete with a very well-timed and much‑appreciated p*ss stop that did wonders for morale.

Eventually, battered but victorious, the pack made it back to The Waggon for a well-earned on‑in, where accusations, exaggerations, and laughter flowed freely. In The Raw looked entirely too pleased with the chaos, the false trails were forgiven just enough, and everyone agreed it was a classic hash: mildly cursed during the run, fondly remembered by the first beer.

On! On!
Xena and her faithful AI companion Co-Pilot

DOWN DOWNS

Lip: Uber

• Hare: In The Raw.
• Morticia: For arguing with the bar staff at 6.10pm about the anchovies and scallops on the lunch menu.
• Spoof: Had his meal called out for Spoofter … possible name change in the works.
• Dog Shit: Thought the run was ok, but the good ducking that he got was even better.
• Growler: Had a wardrobe malfunction while waiting for a man to come and fill her crack.
• Clearfell: Happy birthday fark you.
• LA: Spent two hours getting a root job.
• Can’t Remembers: Sugarbabe, Dog Shit, Pussy Galore, Buddha.
• Pussy Galore: Happy birthday fark you.
• Clearfell and Brazilian: For chasing dogs that look like Shetland ponies.
• Cumonion: Had a beer named after her at The Waggon but was too tight to buy one for Uber.
• Sugarbabe: Her sign at the bowls club has been changed from “Call Mel Shutt to “Call Me Shutt”.
• Hooray: Bought himself a “new” car being a 25-year-old BMW. Apparently goes like the clappers but no guarantee that it would get him back to Sorrell after Hash.

Skols from the floor:

• In The Raw > Morticia: For asking Buddha – who was wearing an Interhash t-shirt – if he’d been to Interhash.
• Buddha > Pussy Galore: Pussy had a colonoscopy and accidentally called the restaurant she wanted to make a booking at to ask for the results of her colonoscopy.
• Grizzly > In The Raw: For plying LA and Morticia with alcohol in the back of his van before offering all manner of party favours.
• Chris Miss >Griz and LA: Farking off to Indonesia.

HASH FLASH

Photos from Run 1524

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