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RUN REPORT

Chardonnay’s Hasher’s Prerogative Trail
14th May from Kingston Beach RSL
Hare: Arsecutter
Run Reporter: Slippery Nipple Lone Arranger’s Personal Assistant

After three weeks of heat and humidity in southeast Asia, it was great to be back where the air is cool and crisp. After three minutes in Kingston Beach, I was reaching for my passport.

The back room of the RSL was like a wooden block puzzle of Hashers, shuffling to try to reach the Hash Cashiers (unless you’re Dyke), grab tickets for the meat tray, or welcome the returnees. As the lights dimmed for The Ode, everyone stood respectfully, although In The Raw found the task of standing too onerous and sat before the silence was broken by ‘Lest we forget’. He forgot.

Hare Arsecutter delivered the chalk talk outside, offering the walkers a moderate 4km and the runners – aka Maximus – a starting loop to clock up something over 6km. Pole Dancer and Snack Bar decided to accompany Maximus, which they managed to do for the first 200m, after which Maxi seemed to be on his own.

Typically, trails from the Kingston Beach area can be classified as A, B or C – variations on a theme, mostly requiring a degree of climbing that disagrees with Hashers’ interest in doing so. This trail was a bit different, heading out along the track to Boronia Beach, but diverting into Kingston Heights. A bit of a climb, but there are worse. Here trail bisected a little-traversed park, before crossing over to head along Auburn Road.

It was here that I could smell something burning, as In The Raw and I engaged in a totally non-competitive period of ‘race walking’. I was keen to get back for a beer, but I think that ITR was ‘chewing a Mintie’.

An overweight man is told by his doctor that he must lose weight or he will die. The man complained that he had tried every weight-loss program available. The doctor considered this for a while, then suggested a radical alternative.
“Instead of eating your food, you must insert it into your anus” the doctor said. “You will still get enough nutrition, but none of the calories.”
Three months later the man walked back into the doctor’s office, a remarkable 45 kilograms lighter.
“I am amazed” the doctor said. “I expected significant weight loss, but this is amazing. However, I think that you should stop the program. I noticed as you walked in that your backside was moving in a very strange manner.”
“All good, Doc, I was just chewing a Mintie.”

Predictably (thankfully) trail finished back along Beach Road to clock up the promised 4km. I can’t see any Hare getting ‘Run of the Year’ from Kingston Beach, but it was a better-than-average trail from that venue. Good work AC.

A feed of ‘tits and thighs’ and reasonably-priced bevvies rounded off our return to normality. A phrase not often associated with Hash.

On! On! PA to LA 

DOWN DOWNS

Lips: Uber and Hands On

• Arsecutter: Hare. Too flat, too many hills, too short, too long.
• Arsecutter: Collusion – won the meat raffle.
• Grizzly: Left their passports in the safe in Bandung, after a seven-hour train ride to Yogyakarta.
• Grizzly: Follow up to the lawn mower for Mothers Day, this year got her a clothes line!
• In The Raw -> Uber (and Dyke, by association): Beer debt paid by Collingwood losers, having lost to Geelong.

• Cumonion: 500 Run milestone. Opted for $50 donation to Cancer Council Tasmania in lieu of a goblet.
• Lone Arranger: Couldn’t get out of the couch so had Griz buy her drinks.
• Growler: Won a Thai meal at the RSL – sneezed and it went up her nose.
• Fringe Benefits: Asked for special permission to leave her hat on inside.
• Nancy Boy: Raffle ticket sellers couldn’t believe that Nancy Boy would have such an ‘unmasculine name’.
• Snack Bar -> Hands On: Claimed that Hands On took out Sonar on a recent bike ride while trying to protect her status as lead rider. FAKE NEWS says Hands On, you actually took Sonar to hospital.

Skols from the floor:

• In The Raw -> Growler: Needs help with a frisky pussy. All takers considered.
• Lone Arranger -> Dyke: Completed the 25km Ballbreaker Trail at Interhash. (Racist bastard finished 26th out of 125 starting Hashers.)
• Grizzly -> Clearfell: Among the trinkets worshipping Buddhist and Hindu deities, found an item clearly worshipping the Father of Modern Medicine.

HASH FLASH

Photos of Run 1526

(Plus last week’s photos – Run 1525)

MISMANAGEMENT CUMMITTEE 2026