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RUN REPORT

Chardonnay’s Brew CoLab Trail
9 July from BrewLab, Derwent Park
Hares: Maximus & Xena
Run Reporter: Spoof

Big beautiful trail, there’s never been a trail like it and what great venue we’ve never had a venue like it before it was incredible. I followed the trail but those others followed a false trail. I’m a great runner, I’ve always been a great runner, everyone says that. While all those others followed the false trail I followed the best trail through Moonah it wasn’t nice it was nasty and full of immigrants and thieves and murderers and gang people but I could run faster than them. I’m a great runner and they couldn’t catch me. On Gormanston Rd they tried to catch me, on Albert Rd they tried to catch me but I’m a great runner and they weren’t.

This Moonah area should be torn down and all those nasty immigrants and murderers and gang members will be locked up and sent home, we’re going to lock them up in camps and send them to Melbourne and Bruny island. I’ve ordered my people the mismanagement committee to clear this area, it’ll make a great golf course, I’m a great golfer you know they all say that, it’ll be called the ‘Spoofald Moonah really difficult golf course’ and I’m already designing it as I’m a great designer and really smart everyone says so and we’re going to have a big beautiful ballroom that will be the club house and they’ll only serve Boags beer because that’s a really good special good beer and it’ll be incredible, really incredible.

She said I r*ped her, I didn’t r*pe her she was a nasty person and always telling lies, she’s a nasty person and she was no good at sex anyway and I didn’t r*pe her, she asked for it but I wouldn’t because she was ugly and not nice and old. But you know what. Those girls at junior school were better than her, not my junior school, it was theirs and they were pretty and clean and young and wanted me but I said no, they wanted me so badly to stay, each one of them said ‘Oh mister Spoofald please don’t go we want you’ but I said I had to go and I left some of them in tears some fell over or something and were bleeding and in tears but I had to go. Not my fault. I won that race you know, some said I didn’t but they ran a false trail. I’m a great runner you know. I’ve run against the best like De Costello, he was a good runner he beat me but I gave him 4 minutes start and he only beat me by this much I nearly had him but he beat me only just. He was a good runner. They said it wasn’t a good trail, they said I set better trails from better venues, I’ve won awards for my trails you know everyone says that, but I said no, he tried his best and that’s all you can do. I loved the burgers they were the best so I had 3 burgers and French fries I’ve always loved French fries and burgers blah……blah……blahblahblah.

The best run report ever was written by:- Spoofald J Fart.
With help from ‘The Spoofald Fart Thesaurus of Mar-a-Lago’.

Editors note. This is a Spoof 

DOWN DOWNS

Lip: Uber

• Maximus & Xena: Hares. Great job organising $6 glasses of bubbles.
• Maxi: set trail using Google Maps, but still got lost.
• Maxi: tables booked for ‘Vaughan’. Who the f*ck is Vaughan?
• TopDek: following on from ‘Neal the Seal’, a ‘celebrity’ humpback whale calf off the NSW coast has been named ‘Top Deck’.
• Snack Bar: told by Fringe Benefits that he needs to be more flexible – now has a multi-purpose yoga mat.
• Snack Bar: Hashy birthday FU.

• Can’t Stop: reports of some old, fat Scotsman running amok in Launceston, which is where Can’t Stop spent last weekend. Coincidence?
• Can’t Stop: was handed a song book to bring back but it was thrown into a bin. Blamed Prickit.
• Arsecutter: cutting Cumonion’s grass as stand-in Hash Cash (just so that he could drink ITR’s beer).
• Arsecutter: final call for Chilli (19 years – 92 dog years).
• Milestone: Herr Flick 1200 Runs.
• Spoof & Crusha: ‘lost trail’ so spent hour in the Brooker Inn (aka The Russell).
• Prickit (aka Mrs Teflon): tried to ride her bike through the door at Jam Packed and fell off.
• Snack Bar: whinged about lack of recognition last week for his ‘king of the jungle’ Tigger onesie.

Skols from the floor:

• None!

Next week’s trail:

• Birthday Bash (celebrating July birthdays for Wee Bev, Cereal Box, Coming Soon, Crusha, Goblet, Luv Shack & Snack Bar) from The Civic Club, Hobart – set by Wee Bev. Christmas in July theme.
  Run reporter is Smallgoods.

HASH FLASH

Photos of Run 1536

MISMANAGEMENT CUMMITTEE 2026