Chardonnay’s Trimmed Tabby Trail – R*n 1401
15 February 2024 from Kingston Beach RSL
Hare: Brazilian
Run Reporter: Hands On

As Ted and I were heading over the bridge on the way to Hash, it was a pleasant surprise to see no white caps, and the river picture-perfect calm. With a balmy 27 degrees forecast and no wind, what more could you ask for on a hash night? As Ted and I rolled into the RSL carpark we were greeted by the most hated man in Hash, In The Raw and his innocent nephew, Jaffa, enjoying a cold bevvy. Ted and I were happy to disrupt their bonding time and join them in partaking in a cold beer. Snacky and Dyke were next to roll up. Snacky is taking his Hash Cash duties very seriously and proceeded to set his square thingy only to be told that Maxi was inside with his already set up. The latter joined us outside and proceeded to collect the $$$. Herr Flick arrived looking like the mafia king in his dark glasses after having cataract surgery on his left eye.

Luv Shack and Smallgoods made their first appearance as members of this year’s cummittee. Smallgoods must be spending too much time in the tropics as he rocked up wearing fleecy trackie dacks.

The rest of the pack slowly ambled in with visitor Back Page, from Darwin Hash, arriving with Chris Miss.

Growler thought her luck had changed when she felt something gently caressing her leg, but alas it was just Zero taking advantage with his tickler.

Jack Shit started the usual banter ‘what time does this 6.31 run start?’ Brazilian called us all to order and gave out the run directions, there is a run, there is a walk and – most importantly – there is a p!ss stop.

C#nt Stop was quick to get his shaving cream out and cream Wee Bev 500 runs and Uber 400 runs before we headed off.

The runners took off like a dog shot in the arse never to be seen again. Ted and I joined the walkers as the trail headed along Kingston Beach to the Boronia Beach Foreshore Track. It was a very enjoyable stroll along the track towards the nudist beach. It was at this point Ted and I took a little diversion so he could enjoy a refreshing dip with the nudist. We then headed back on trail and up the steps towards Roslyn Avenue. It was at this point that we found Spoof collapsed on the side of the trail gasping for air and requiring CPR. Well Ted being Ted immediately saw an opportune moment to do what Ted loves to do to a leg and got a firm grip on Spoof’s leg and began to hump him up. Ted’s attempts were successful. Spoof recovered and, forever being the opportunist, couldn’t resist asking ‘how about a sympathy f*ck’ – to which he got a very firm NO. Never let a chance go by Spoofo.

We escorted Spoof up to Roslyn Ave where the trail went up Jindabyne St, then onto Kunama Dr.

Ted being rather worn out from his nude swim and reviving Spoof we decided to Hash down Mount Royal Road and up Beach Rd where I ran into the front walkers Flicky and ITR. We headed up Balmoral St to the well-stocked p!ss stop and enjoyed a very welcome bevvy. Maxi was the first of the runners to arrive with the others not far behind.

After all, enjoying a cold beverage we ambled back to the On On for Legs and Breasts, and birthday cheesecake.

Being such a balmy night we congregated outside for Smallgoods’ lively solo Lip session.

Well done Brazilian for a great run, great food, great company and we couldn’t have asked for better weather.

Hands On

DOWN DOWNS

Lip-in-charge: Smallgoods making a cameo appearance.. just in time for the absence of his co-Lip Slippery!

• The Hare: Birthday girl Brazilian
• Brazilian & Growler for being Birthday girls
• Herr Flick, In the Raw & Can’t Stop, for stealing the Lips notebook.
• Swallow, had to walk to hash because her car had a flat tyre!
• Hands on. Allowing Teddy to take a dump! Collected in bag but threw it away when she thought no one was looking.
• Hands On was getting excited about giving Spoof the kiss of life at the nude beach (should she even have been there with her four-legged teddy?)
• Visitor: Back Page.  Nash Hash organiser from Darwin/ Top End hash and the inspiration behind the shortly to be formed Nuyina Hash. Visiting on her way to Antarctica… She was cold post hash … I hope she has some woollies packed for the trip south!
• Growler made Zero skol for upsetting her with his tickle stick!

• Jack Shit was horrified when Herr Flick commenting how good his eyesight was this week … said he could hardly see a thing when driving the Eastern Shore bus home last week!!!l
• …..Eyesight might not be as good as he thinks tho’…He also skolled for trying to chat up a stranger in a car… thinking it was a hasher.
• Can’t Stop bought a birthday rose to give Growler, at bike hash, but she didn’t show up so Prikit got a second hand rose!
• Prikit skolled for animal abuse … kicked over doggy bowls (She “tripped” apparently!)
• Platypussy went to her mums when we were out on trail!  Worn out from dealing with Nancy?
• In the Raw suggested Can’t Stop might be a candidate for Father Christmas this year.
  He is starting to look like someone who has eaten some of the pies!

• Can’t Stop made room for Morticia to sit on a bench .. when she sat the bench let out a loud crack! Was that Morticia .. or the stress the bench was under previously?
• Grizzly dobbed Can’t Stop in for secretly running on the walker’s trail… Griz could hear the patter of tiny feet behind him.. but every time he turned around Can’t Stop was walking. (Reminds me of a children’s game)
• Prickit skolled for something else.. but… can’t read my own writing!.. Something about not getting very far and 7:30pm!! Use your imagination!
• Poley, Small Goods & Luv shack skolled as Cuntry members.
• Luv Shack skolled for not knowing where the Highland Fling is going to be.

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Millstones

• Uber 400 runs (in just 8 years!) Has he been cooking the books?
• Wee Bev 500* runs (in 23 years!!)

* On the subject of 500 run awards, the Chardonnay illuminati has elected to give the incumbent the option of getting a useless Hash 500 run goblet… or donating $50 to a charity of your choice.  I chose the latter. So Chardonnay will donate an extra $50 to this years’ FMH3 charity Speak Up! Stay ChatTY on my behalf.

What a great initiative!

UP CUMMING EVENTS

• 24 February – Red Dress Run @ Hobart Brewing Company, Evans Street
  Supporting the charity SPEAK UP! Stay ChatTY promoting positive mental health and preventing suicide by reducing stigma and encouraging people to seek help.
• 8-10 March – Interhash 2024 @ Queenstown, NZ
• 16 March – Bream Creek Show R*n
• 28-30 March 2025 – Aussie Nash Hash 2025 @ Fremantle, WA

All the photos from Run 1401

MISMANAGEMENT 2024

Contacts for committee members.. tho’ its just as easy to use messenger.. or just ask a stupid question on the facebook page… There will always be someone willing to give you an answer.

GRAND MASTER	Softy		thommotas@gmail.com
JOINT MASTER	Arsecutter
	Luv Shack
ON SEC	Wee Bev		weebev@netspace.net.au
HASH CASH	Maximus
	Snack Bar
HASH HOPS	Brazilian
	Hands On
TRAILMASTER	Cumonion		amctye@bigpond.net.au
HASH LIPS	Slippery Nipple
	Smallgoods
HASH FLASH	Prickit
HASH HORN	Jack Shit
RELIGIOUS ADVISOR	Gingernuts