RECEDING HARELINE

RUN No.	DATE	HARE	ON-ON VENUE	RUN REPORTER
1547	17 Sept	Can’t Stop	Taroona Bowls Club	Jack Sh!t
1548	24 Sept	Cumonion Footy colours theme	Highfield St, Moonah	Prickit
1549	26 Sept	AFL Grand Final Run	TBA	Grizzly
1550	1 Oct	TBA	TBA	Chris Miss

See Arsecutter to lock in your trail-setting dates!

UP & CUMMING

RUN REPORT

This was to be our first visit to the much-hyped Bierhalle, and first impressions were that this was my sort of place. No 8oz glasses of Great Northern, instead an impressive list of Germanic biers sold in either ‘big boy size’ (one litre steins) or ‘little boy size’ (500ml half steins). This was definitely the moment to evoke the ‘daddy drives there, mummy drives home’ clause. Even staunch Cascade Draught ambassador Uber found a bier that evoked an ‘it’s not bad’ response.

The weather outside was bitter, not to be confused with the homophone ‘bitte‘ which means ‘please’ in German. There was nothing pleasing about a southerly wind too lazy to blow around you. No rain jackets would be required (you KNOW why) but Hashers could be forgiven for heading out with additional moisture-resistant thermal protection.

Hashers from the northern suburbs had to contend with the Brooker Highway being closed around Derwent Park, banking the traffic up and clogging alternate roots. Routes. This may account for the reduced numbers, or it could have been the prospect of mortgaging your house for a shout*. No surprise then that Dyke was nowhere to be seen, sending in his ‘proxy’ in TwinkleToes to sup on her girlie-sized ginger beer without recrimination.

* On the Civic Club scale of economics you were paying about 50% more for Kilkenny than if you’d wandered just a few doors up. That said, few places sell at the Civic Club’s genuine 1980s prices, so it wasn’t entirely unreasonable. Plus Jugs was flat out serving his one customer that night.

Hare In The Raw – just two ‘little boy sized’ drinks into his evening – stared at the Pack bemoaning the lack of runners, having set a runners’ loop to test their athletic mettle. Perhaps he didn’t see Hooray standing in the corner.

Perhaps he did.

In The Raw engaged full whinge mode about the bleak conditions endured while setting, then re-setting trail. With that sort of attitude, Scott of the Antarctic would have given up before leaving Christchurch port. Some Hashers – not mentioning any names like Spoof and Pee Wee – appeared spooked by this over-dramatisation. They had barely walked out the door before returning to drawn down on their overdraft and get another bier. (Perhaps they went to visit Jugs and were put off by the crowd.)

For the hardier Hashers, trail headed down Davey Street before invading Battery Point. Gun-runner Hooray was providing valuable assistance by finding all the false trails, even ones that everyone else looked at and thought ‘nah, only a dummy would head that way’.

Trail was keeping much of the Pack together, but there was also assistance from Twinkletoes‘ less-needy family member, Randall the dog. Without Dyke there to focus his herding instincts, Randall was keeping a keen eye on Herr Flick. (Apparently there’s not much difference in intelligence between sheep and Herr Flick – sheep are entitled to be offended by that comment.)

Some of the trail markings were faint, but given the torrent of rain reported by the Hare I’m surprised that even the concrete was still intact. The part of the Pack that had dropped from Randall’s field of influence – Uber, TopDek, Clearfell, etc. – ended up wandering around Sandy Bay, which is odd because trail went nowhere near there. Perhaps the torrential rain washed all the trail markings down there.

True trail headed down Kelly Steps and we were soon scattered around Salamanca; calls of ‘are you’ attracting only scant regard from the handful of people stupid enough to think that outdoor drinking just two days out of Tasmanian winter was a good idea.

Wandering around in shorts calling ‘are you’, however…

Trail was lost around Parliament Square, so the search continued back up Davey Street. Grizzly was spotted on the opposite side of the busy street doing his best Marcel Marceau impersonation, accurately portraying the message that he’d checked that way and they should check in the opposite direction. Brazilian however thought that the message was ‘I’m having a stroke and need a dolphin, or a night at the YMCA’ and headed over to see if the smoked kipper she always carries around in her vest pocket would suffice.

Snack Bar checked next to the Royal Tennis Courts and spotted an ⊥Ⅎ, but didn’t quite comprehend that ‘⊥Ⅎ’ is not the same as ‘FT’ and that trail proper could be found on the other side. Sure enough true trail was found leading up Collins Street, giving Hooray one last FT hero moment, before heading up the old sandstone laneway back to Davey Street and ‘home’.

It was a decent trail set in trying circumstances. (As in Hare ITR trying to look like a an intrepid explorer battling near insurmountable elements – known as a spring day to everyone else.)

Back at the Bierhalle the big boy biers were coming out, as were the plates of German-styled food. Calls of ‘Bratwurst?’, ‘Bratwurst?’, ‘Bratwurst?’ were met with stony silence, until frau Growler translated the order to ‘bangers and mash’ and Hooray claimed the rapidly cooling meal. Clearfell was the last to be served, the kitchen requiring additional time to prepare his German specialty dish – Wurst im Brötchen (sausage in a bun).

While not everyone’s Tasse Tea, I enjoyed being at a different venue and with a very different vibe. Danke Im Rohzustand.

DOWN DOWNS

Lip: Uber

• In The Raw: Hare. “Wurst run ever.” Best pun ever.
• Snack Bar: had one job – book the Hobart Football Clubrooms for Cumonion’s footy themed run, and didn’t do it.
• Pee Wee: said that is “colder here than at Lake Crescent”.
• Lone Arranger: finally doing the right thing and driving Grizzly home after Hash so that he could have an extra, small beer.
• In The Raw: new shoes? Boots straight out of Brokeback Mountain.
• Cumonion, Uber and Pee Wee: can’t remembers.
• Snack Bar: yet another North Melbourne coach given the arse.
• Pee Wee: lost phone. Again.
• Spoof and Crusha: trying to short cut trail, ended up in the Whittle Ward.

• Grassroots: soviet spy, wearing a cossack hat.
• In The Raw: fire at the Tungatinah power station, has no alibi.
• Hooray: dementia – couldn’t remember his meal order.
• Pee Wee: had to pay Aussie Nash Hash registration so emailed a photo of his full credit card to the ANH committee. Can expect some strange transactions on his bank statement.
• Wee Bev: spotted someone having a wank in the bushes outside her house. What did she do? Nothing, just stood and watched.

Announcements:

• Run on 24th September will be a footy colours themed run.

Next week’s trail:

• Cooley’s Hotel @ Moonah, as set by Sonar. Run reporter, Crusha.

HASH FLASH

Photos of Run 1544

MISMANAGEMENT CUMMITTEE 2026

GRAND MASTER	Grizzly
JOINT MASTERS	Grassroots & Slippery Nipple
ON SEC	Lone Arranger (Run reports to chardonnayh3@gmail.com by Sunday evening, please)
HASH CASH	Cumonion & In The Raw
HASH HOPS	Crusha & Topdek
TRAILMASTER	Arsecutter
HASH LIPS	Hands On & Uber
HASH FLASH	Growler
HASH HORN	Prickit