RECEDING HARELINE

See Arsecutter to lock in your trail-setting dates!

UP & CUMMING

RUN REPORT

Chardonnay’s Can Crusher Trail
8 October from Maypole Hotel
Hare: Crusha
Run Reporter: Topdek (with ‘assistance’ from AI)

THE MAYPOLE MEANDER
A Hash Run Where Nobody Knows Where Everyone Went!

There was great excitement at the Maypole Hotel as heaps of Hashers gathered for a run/walk organised by our very own Crusher. Whether they came for the exercise, the company, or the promise of a decent pub meal afterwards is anyone’s guess. Knowing this mob, the latter probably had the strongest following!

With the Hashers assembled and Crusha ready to unleash his carefully planned adventure, everyone set off out the door, up the hill, and around New Town High School. So far, so good. The pack was together, spirits were high, and nobody appeared to have called for an ambulance.

Then it was up Creek Road, heading towards St John’s Hospital and through the mental health unit. One could only wonder whether Crusha had deliberately included this section to give the Hashers an opportunity to have their sanity assessed after agreeing to follow him in the first place!

Perhaps a few of the pack were tempted to stay for a professional opinion. Others pressed on, eventually making their way down Forster Street, past New Town Primary School.

And that, dear readers, is where the trail report becomes somewhat unreliable.

I’m not entirely sure where everyone else went!

Some Hashers may have followed the trail, some may have taken a shortcut, and others might still be wandering around New Town looking for a mark. There is always the possibility that Crusha himself had lost track of the pack, but we wouldn’t want to suggest such a thing about our esteemed Hare.

Perhaps the Hashers had simply scattered in search of alternative routes, sightseeing opportunities, or the nearest establishment serving cold beer. After all, a Hash trail is not just about getting from A to B. It’s about the adventure, the mystery, and occasionally wondering whether you’re still on the right bloody track!

Fortunately, everyone’s thoughts eventually turned to the important business of the afternoon: getting back to the Maypole Hotel for dinner!

And what a welcome sight that was.

The meals arrived promptly, proving that while the Hashers might be hopeless at staying together on a trail, the kitchen staff knew exactly how to get things moving.

The curried lamb looked absolutely delicious, attracting appreciative glances from those fortunate enough to have ordered it. The scallops arrived in such generous quantities that they practically overflowed the plate. Now THAT is the sort of hospitality a hungry Hasher can appreciate!

Then there was the roast pork.

Cumonion ordered and received what could only be described as a rather modest serving. There was some question as to whether it might qualify as a seniors’ meal, but apparently, the correct terminology was an entrée. All other Hashers who ordered the roast received generous servings. 

Still, the meals were promptly delivered, the company was excellent, and the beer no doubt helped restore whatever energy had been lost climbing hills, wandering through New Town, or attempting to locate missing Hashers.

So, another successful Hash outing was chalked up, thanks to Crusha and his mysterious route through the local streets. We exercised our legs, tested our navigational skills, explored the neighbourhood, and finished with a hearty dose of food and fellowship. As for the exact whereabouts of every Hasher during the walk, we may never know. But one thing is certain: nobody got lost on the way back to the pub when dinner was being served!

On-On, you magnificent wandering wombats!

Onon Topdek

DOWN DOWNS

Lip: Hands On and Uber

• Hare: Crusha. Uber heard voices down by the creek and looked to see bar bums. No wonder Crusha took three hours to set such a short trail.
• Cumonion and Uber: had a ‘domestic’ because Cumonion wouldn’t tell Uber the run number. (I miss the days of Lip Spoof, who would just make a up a number.)
• Can’t Stop: early signs of dementia – couldn’t remembered what meal he had ordered.
• Can’t Stop: speed hump – stopped all the traffic at the bike track’s busiest crossing because he’s one of those ‘entitled’ cyclists.
• In The Raw: tore flap of skin off his knuckles when he “swapped hands”.
• Wee Bev: nude swim at the Doone Kennedy Aquatic Centre – forgot her bathers.
• Snack Bar: missed the regular Friday morning coffee because he had to meet Fringe Benefits’ parents.
• Pee Wee: turned up to Hash without his wallet. Crusha bought Pee Wee his dinner and ITR his beer.
• TAP: c*untry member (having only missed one week) and no Hash gear.
• TAP and Cumonion: only made it as far as the Talbot, which unsurprisingly was nowhere near trail.

• Can’t Stop and Prickit: thoughtful, thoughtful Can’t Stop bought ‘Spunky’ a new e-bike (so that he could get away with buying one for himself).
• Growler: ‘map of Tassie’ on her Hash shirt a bit high and looks like it needs a shave.
• ITR to Dyke: refused offering of someone’s excess soggy chips because he was ‘looking after himself’, then finished off someone’s pizza and TAP’s roast pork.
• Herr Flick to ITR: heard in conversation that he needs a lawyer – went to Snacky instead.
• Uber: got to Tower Road the HAD to drop into the Bucks Bowling Club.
• Chris Miss: oh what a feeling – have ordered a new Hyundai because they don’t have to drive it every day.
• Crusha: trail set using H5 arrows.

Next week’s trail:

• Marieville Esplanade playground, Sandy Bay, as set by Twinkletoes. Run reporter, Red Dress.

HASH FLASH

Photos of Run 1551

MISMANAGEMENT CUMMITTEE 2026